>NOTE: I've spent several years focused on
discovering the secrets that the "masters" use to
approach women, get numbers, meet women online,
get dates... and take things to a "physical level"
without rejection. If you want to see what I've
learned, and read about how I learned it, then
read THIS:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/Catalog/
If you've seen the classic cult movie
"Swingers", then you probably remember the part
where the guys are discussing how long a guy
should wait to call a woman after he's gotten her
phone number.
The scene really hits home for a lot of guys
because it gets down to a real-world situation
that we all confront and ponder.
I get a lot of emails from guys asking me what
to do in this very situation.
The more I've thought about it, the more I
realize that this particular question (and the
answer to it) are part of a bigger, more important
CONCEPT about how to deal with women.
Let me explain.
When a guy asks me "How long should I wait to
call her?" this immediately tells me a few things:
1) The guy doesn't feel like he's in control of
the situation. If he felt like he was in control,
then it he wouldn't ask, because it wouldn't
matter.
2) The guy doesn't really "get" how male/female
attraction works. If he did get it, then he'd be
thinking in those terms rather than trying to
figure out the exact best amount of time to wait
before calling.
To put it differently, the "when do I call her
back?" problem is part of a bigger concept, and
once you understand that bigger concept better,
then you'll have an automatic feel for when to
call a woman back.
Most guys don't "get" one simple point:
If you want a woman to feel ATTRACTION for you,
then you must behave differently than if you want
her to feel that "just friends" feeling.
In the world of ATTRACTION, things are
completely different.
For instance, our moms taught all of us guys to
"be nice" to women. This usually includes being
sweet and complimentary when first meeting them,
answering all of their questions directly, and
giving them what they want when they want it.
But if you want a woman to feel that INSTANT
GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION right from the beginning,
then you're going to have to put aside this kind
of thinking, and start learning some NEW ideas.
For instance:
1) A challenge is generally attractive to women.
2) Teasing and being evasive is generally
attractive to women.
3) Making fun of a woman's appearance in a flirty
way, as counter-intuitive as it might sound, can
lead to ATTRACTION.
- By the way, psychology is one of my VERY
favorite topics, and the psychology of creating
attraction is FASCINATING. If you're as interested
in it as I am, then you should check this out as
well:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/AttractionBook/
I'm trying to communicate the idea that when
you're dealing with ATTRACTION, you have to put
aside old "normal" ways of thinking and behaving.
I would like to mention one more point before
getting into the specifics here...
These days, people are becoming very sensitive
to having "techniques" used on them.
If a salesman uses a sales technique on us, we
immediately get defensive and resistant.
If a panhandler asks for money in a way that
smells of "tricks or "techniques" we pass them by
without pity.
If a business treats us like a "thing" or a
number instead of an individual person, we avoid
them or buy elsewhere.
We humans don't like having manipulation
techniques used on us, and when we detect that
someone or something is using one to get the
better of us, we resist.
So let's get back to the "how long to wait
before calling her back" issue.
If you think about it, every situation is
slightly different. One time you might meet a
woman in the morning at coffee, and another time
you might meet a woman at a club at 1 in the
morning.
If you wait too long to call her back, I think
you run the risk of seeming like you're just using
a technique on her and you come across as a player
who's trying to do your thing on her.
When deciding how long to wait before you call
or email, I think it's important to ask yourself
this question:
"What will likely INCREASE THE ATTRACTION in
this situation?"
Here are a couple of ideas I have used with
great success:
1) Email instead of calling first. I personally
email the next day. I'll start with a charming
email to get the conversation started and then
tell her that I'm going to call in a day or two.
This has the effect of making contact with her
relatively quickly, but still creating
anticipation because you haven't actually talked.
2) Call the next day, and make a joke about the
situation. I might call and say, "Yeah, I was
watching Swingers and they said to wait three days
to call, but I was kind of in more of a one day
mood..."
If you didn't get her email address and you
MUST use the phone, just do your best to avoid
being AVERAGE.
I personally believe that our attention spans
as humans are getting shorter and shorter. We have
more and more information coming in from
television, newspapers and other sources - and
we're getting cultural A.D.D. I think that if you
wait too long, you're risking either being seen as
using a technique, or risking being forgotten
altogether.
But if you make the opposite mistake and call
too soon (for instance a few hours later), you run
the risk of being seen as a needy Wuss who has no
life.
In past newsletters, I have written about why
it's important to leave immediately after getting
a woman's email and/or number.
How long you should wait to call her back is a
natural extension of this.
As a matter of fact, if you get a woman's
email/number and then you keep coming over to talk
to her, it can almost be seen as waiting 5 minutes
to call her.
There's no anticipation, and it says all the
wrong things.
A couple of other quick pointers for when
you're making that first call:
1) Be busy. If you're going to ask her to join you
for tea or something similar, make sure you
mention two times that you're busy for every one
time that you're available.
2) Don't linger on the phone. Make that first call
short and to the point. If you stay on the phone
for more than a few minutes, you're running the
risk of getting into a normal "What do you do?",
"Where do you live?", "Where did you go to
school?" conversation. Avoid this.
To summarize, when in doubt wait a day or so to
contact her again.
But more importantly, think about the situation
in terms of anticipation and ATTRACTION, so when
you do make contact it creates the correct
context.
And now I have another question...
Do you enjoy learning the PSYCHOLOGY of how to
create ATTRACTION with women? And do you enjoy
learning the psychology of how to create more
internal confidence... and how to overcome your
"Inner Game" psychological issues?
Yeah, me too.
In fact, I think that the PSYCHOLOGY of success
with women and dating is the MOST interesting
part.
One more question...
Would you like to get an IN-DEPTH education in
how to "fix" your Inner Game issues, and become
the kind of man that women are searching for?
If so, then I highly recommend that you check
out my program "Deep Inner Game". This program is
just PACKED with tools and techniques for
overcoming your inner psychological challenges.
Go check out some great video clips of the
program here:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/DeepInnerGame/
Of course, if you'd like to get my best
thinking on how to deal with different situations
and make a woman feel that magical emotion called
ATTRACTION for you, then you need to read my book
"Double Your Dating". It's full of all my best
thinking and ideas about how to attract the kinds
of women that you've always wanted. Just go to:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/eBook/
And if you're ready to REALLY take your game to
the next level with women, then you need to step
it up and get yourself a copy of my Advanced
Dating Techniques CD/DVD Program.
This program is over twelve full hours of
digitally recorded and edited audio and video of
me PERSONALLY teaching you HUNDREDS of concepts,
ideas, and step-by-step techniques for every
situation with women.
I'll teach you the techniques I use personally
to overcome fear, approach women, get phone
numbers, and get dates... and even how I take
things to a "physical" level with women.
Best part?
Test it all out, and if it doesn't work, just
send it back to me and I'll refund you, no hassles.
Check out some great samples, and get all the
details here:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/AdvancedSeries/
And I'll talk to you again soon.
David D.
P.S. If you want to see all of the different
programs I've created to help you learn how to
overcome fear, approach women, meet women on the
internet, take things to a physical level
smoothly, etc., plus watch video clips of all of
my programs, just go here:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/Catalog/
--------------------------------------------------
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