Q. Hello,
My name is O. I'm 20 years old, living in Cyprus. Actually in my college I got interested to a gal.
She was also good with me and many times did something that means, at least for me, she is interested to me, too.
Recently I got her mobile number and I called her the day after it and she talked to me normally BUT after a few days when I called her again she did not answered to my call (she didn't pick the mobile up). Then I sent her this SMS:
Without U life is Black not White. Without U the world has no hope, no light. Without u I cant go left or right. Without U I lose my sight. Thank u my glasses!
I called her 2 or 3 times after it in 3 days but she did not answered again. Then I sent her this SMS: Days r 2 busy hours r 2 fast seconds r 2 few but there is always time 4 me 2 remember you!
2 days after it I again called her and this time she did not pickup the phone as well, So I decided to say her every thing and tell her the truth and at least I will know is she really likes me or not, then i sent her this message:
Hello my A., I sent you lots of messages but you did not answered to me. I'm worried about you, is every thing all right? I want to tell you a truth... I like you, in fact I love you. You are always in my mind, you are everywhere, I never forget you...I really miss you!
Then, after 2 hours she replied me with this message:
Hey O. I got all your messages. I'm all right. Thanks for asking. Sorry for not replying. Anyway, I want to tell you that I just want a be your friend. Sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, I didn't want you to misunderstand me.
With this message she told me that she does not want to be my girlfriend so in reply to her I wrote this (I said good bye):
Thanks for answering. I hope you be successful in your life everywhere with anybody and thanks for every thing cause you taught me many things!
I was not expecting any reply from her but she sent this sms right after my sms:
I enjoy being your friend. I wish u the best. Have a nice holiday. Sorry if I made u feel bad:(
I did not send her any sms but after 2 days she sent me this sms, which really made me quite confused:
....Friends are like stars.... you do not always see them but you know they are always there!
I really need your advise. The girl who did not even wanted to answer to my calls now sends me such messages!
Now,I beg you please tell me what does she mean by these words? What should I do?
I really loved her but when she told me that she want just to be my friend, however, it was hard for me to believed but I accepted it and said goodbye to her with my last message. But as you can see....
I need your idea totally, What do think about her? If you suggest me to continue being her friend... What should I do now after sending that goodbye sms? What should I reply to her last message, what should I told her? Honestly, I still like her! but I think I'm not sure is she playing with me? The last question..
If she want me just as friend.. Am I so important for her that she do not want to lose me? and Why?
I'm looking forward to hear from you. Please tell me what do you think about her from her messages.
Very Sincerely Yours,
O.
A. Hey O., even though you live all the way on the other side of the world from me in Cyprus, I can still feel your pain. And I think that every man can identify with the following sequence you hit on:
- Meet girl.
- Get along well with girl.
- Feel attracted to girl and think she is attracted to you.
- Tell girl that you like her (after getting up the nerve).
- Girl disappears.
- Call girl 47 times, but still no response.
- Finally girl turns up and says, I only like you as a friend and sorry if I hurt you.
Ouch. I know it's a bummer, but you might take comfort knowing that this has happened to me and just about every guy I know many times.
Let me take a shot at explaining what's going on here and hopefully help you and the others reading this to avoid this kind of thing as much as possible in the future. From my perspective, there are a few main issues going on here all at once...
- Women are complex and often illogical (so are men, but in different ways).
- Women are attracted to men for reasons that most men either don't know, don't understand, or won't accept.
- The way that women communicate isn't always as direct and straightforward as most of us guys would like.
- It's difficult to un-do one of these situations once it has reached this point.
There are things you can do to avoid this kind of thing in the future. Let's deal with these one at a time as they relate to your situation...
Women Are Complex And Often Illogical
So are men, but in different ways. Women act on emotion and intuition more than men. They don't do the logical thing as often as men.
Women walk into Starbucks and order a fat free cafe mocha and then get whipped cream on top. No kidding. I see it all the time.
Women will go through a full closet of clothing trying to choose something to wear to the supermarket, then conclude that there's nothing to wear in here. Women spend $200 on shoes that are going to be worn a few times...
Again, men have their bizarre behaviors, and I'm not trying to badmouth women... but in my experience women are usually not very logical about things, and they're especially illogical when it comes to relationships.
Men are perfectly logical... they want to be with every attractive woman they meet. Women aren't logical. They only want to be with men who don't want to be with them.
My point is that you have to put your ideas about how things should be out of your mind. Start a new way of thinking about things based on reality and not logic.
Women Feel ATTRACTION For Reasons That Most Men Just Don't Get
As I like to say, ATTRACTION ISN'T A CHOICE. We don't think about who we'd like to feel attraction for, it just happens on its own in most cases.
But the thing to remember is that attraction has a pattern. It's like a combination lock or a puzzle. There is a way to create it if you know the recipe. On the other hand, if you don't know the recipe, then you're not likely to figure it out by trial and error. And the reason for this -- again -- is because it's not logical.
While men are attracted mostly to looks, women are attracted mostly to personality traits.
In your situation, you displayed the personality trait that I refer to as wussy a little too early in the game. Women generally aren't attracted to men who get too lovey-dovey and emotional too quickly. There's no mystery or challenge when you fall in love immediately.
And when you call 31 times a day, it only makes the problem worse. What you need to do in these situations is lean back more and give her some space. Give her room to think about you and miss you.
Women Don't Communicate In Direct, Straightforward Ways
If a woman wants to tell you that she isn't interested in you in a romantic way, she'll often not tell you as her way of telling you. In other words, she might just disappear for awhile. Or she might not return calls quickly. Or she might talk about other guys with you...
Once again, you have to put the concept of pure, rational logic out of your mind when it comes to the world of attraction.
Women are subtle. They read into things and try to tell you things indirectly. Women don't generally take what you say at face value. They want to know what everything really means.
If you meet a girl and after the first date you say I really like you, you're beautiful and I have feelings for you they think you said I'm a Wuss because I fall in love too quickly.
On the other hand, if you say Good night, give me a call sometime she'll think you said You were kind of boring, and if you want to talk to me again you're going to have to call me.
You Can't "Undo" A Bad Situation... So DON'T EVEN TRY
Unfortunately, once a woman has made up her mind about a guy, it's almost impossible to change her mind.
If you're in a situation like this where a woman has said I only like you as a friend, then you're best off going out and meeting some other women and getting on with your life immediately. Don't wait. Get on with it.
If you disappear from HER life, then turn up a month or two later... and you're dating a few other attractive women... she might see you in a new light. Jealousy is a very powerful motivator to women and this is often what it takes to get a woman to see you in a new light once you've let out your inner-wussy too early in the game.
Point: Don't try to un-do it. Just get on with your life and quit obsessing over her.
You Can EASILY Avoid These Situations In The Future!
The most important step you can take is to learn how ATTRACTION works. You need to learn this game so you know what's happening in future situations... and, most importantly, you know what to do to make women feel attracted to you from the beginning (and, of course, how to not let your inner wuss rear its ugly head too often).
As you know, some of my favorite ways to do this are by being Cocky and Funny, teasing women, busting on them in a particular way, playing hard to get, etc.
But if you want to learn how attraction works and to make it work for YOU, then YOU'RE going to have to go out and do it. No one else is going to do it for you.
I did the trial-and-error thing. I tried all kinds of stuff. In fact, I've probably tried more different ideas for meeting women than anyone I know.
The real shift towards success came when I started making friends with guys who were very successful with women... and then watching what they did in person.
I found that these guys did things that they weren't even aware of... things that made women literally pursue them. I then took all of this information and combined it with the other things I had learned... I worked like a mad scientist for a few years on this because I really wanted to get this area of my life figured out.
Well, as you can imagine, I developed some pretty amazing techniques for meeting women, getting emails and phone numbers, taking things to a physical level, and everything in between.
You have to do a lot of inner work if you want to be the kind of guy who can keep an amazing woman.
When I was on my own personal quest to learn how to attract women, I found that most of the materials available only focused on the outer game. In other words, they only talked about techniques.
They said Just go up to a woman and say "Hi"... but they didn't talk about HOW to say the words, or how to understand what the woman would be thinking when I did approach her... or any of the million other inner game issues around meeting women.
After spending a few years figuring this stuff out, I realized something critical about the first step toward succeeding with women. It's simply this:
A Man Must Get His "INNER GAME" Together FIRST
Once you understand how and why women are attracted to certain types of men, and how the human mating dance works, you will see things differently. You'll understand things in a new way. It's like putting on a pair of 3-D glasses... and seeing things in a totally new way.
Then, I think it's important to learn the best techniques and actual strategies for meeting women... from where to go, to what to say, to how to take things to a physical level smoothly and without rejection.
If you'd like to build a rock solid Inner Game - I'm talking about POWERFUL SELF-CONFIDENCE AND SECURITY in every situation - then you need to check out my programs that are specifically designed to help you do it...
Namely, my On Being A Man Who Naturally Attracts Women program is all about learning the skills that most of us never learned from our dads. It's about how to become the kind of MAN that women are naturally attracted to.
You hear women saying things like,"I want a real man and I don't want a boy." Well, this program will explain to you exactly what that means, and, more importantly, it will show you how to transform yourself into a man that women want.
On Being A Man is truly a one-of-a-kind program, and the guys who see it are giving me amazing feedback about it, so...
Next, I recommend that you get your hands on a copy of my Deep Inner Game program.
In this program, I invited a brilliant guy to come and co-train with me. He has developed what I think of as the ultimate synthesis of psychology models... and he's created a set of concepts and tools that anyone can use to overcome their Inner Game challenges. Check it out here.
Also, when I put my Advanced Dating Techniques program together, I really spent a lot of time organizing and arranging everything I've learned in order to make it easy to really get your Inner Game together first... then I focused on the techniques and strategies that guys who are naturally good with women use to be successful.
Towards the end of the program I spend a few hours interviewing five different guys I know who are truly unbelievable with women... and getting them to share how they meet women.
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I'll talk to you again soon.
Your friend,
