| "I don't give myself enough time for engorgement because I feel bad, I guess, because it takes me so long. I do always use lube for sex and estrogen cream every day because the doctor said I had vaginal atrophy after the hysterectomy."
I've received several emails from women who are struggling with the same issue.
And that is, fighting to bring back their libido and to breathe intimacy back into their relationships.
Whether or not you've had a hysterectomy or hormonal whirlwinds...
Don't feel like you're alone.
Consider the story of Vanessa (not her real name) who asked me for advice on the topic, but felt like nobody, not even her doctors, are listening to her.
Scroll down for her email and my response. If you want to check out the options I gave her, here they are:
Check Out The Tantric Massage Program Here ⇐ Currently On SALE (Bring Back Warm, Loving Intimacy With Your Touch)
Check Out My Amazon Store ⇐ Use Some Lovely Organic Coconut Oil Or Avocado Oil
Check Out Fun Factory's Website ⇐ Try The StronicG And The Lady Bi
Check Out Hot Octopus' Website ⇐ Try The DiGiT
BRING BACK THE DRIVE
"Hi Susan.
This is a question I've wanted to ask since I was 52 and I'll be 69 next month.
I've been on estrogen patches for years (since I was 47) now but that doesn't work. You just gave me some hope, at least I think that it's possible to bring the drive back somehow even after having a hysterectomy.
The problem being none of my doctors will address it! They basically say, get over yourself lady, it is what it is, period!
I went into early menopause starting around age 37. My husband and I married when I was 42 and we had a wonderful sex life until I started finishing periods a 47.
I stayed on estrogen until I had to have a hysterectomy at 52 due to having to take estrogen without progesterone because I had a terrible reaction to it. I became depressed and cried over nothing.
I knew and was fully informed by my doctor that I'd have to have the hysterectomy eventually. I took the choice because I have MS and my hot flashes were so severe I'd physically collapse from them. MS and heat don't go together.
After the hysterectomy I just lost my desire. And my ability to orgasm was never the same.
Seemed like it took so long to have one and there was a lot of lost sensation too. I don't have pain with sex but I used to love it and now I feel like I'm taking up the whole time for just me, that's just not fair.
I talked to several of my doctors about it but they just ignore me. A kind of dismissing of the problem. It's mine not theirs type of attitude.
I don't give myself enough time for engorgement because I feel bad, I guess, because it takes me so long. I do always use lube for sex and estrogen cream every day because the doctor said I had vaginal atrophy after the hysterectomy.
I don't know about vibrators because I only have one (I believe it's called the rabbit) and it's too soft for me. And I hate to admit this but I felt so silly, shy, embarrassed, I guess is the best way to phrase it.
But I'm now watching your YouTube videos with the two girls who sell toys and I see there's much firmer ones out there that may help me. Guess I'd better get over myself and get something done somehow. I just totally surprised and kinda shocked myself over how shy I was about the vibrator thing. Weird but true.
I have a wonderful husband and we're celebrating our 27th anniversary in September in Jamaica! I'm so excited but so unhappy about the rest of this. Thanks again" - Vanessa (not her real name)
Hi Vanessa,
It takes a long time for women to become engorged. This is how we ALL are! You are needlessly putting pressure on yourself.
Let your husband pleasure you for thirty minutes before intercourse.
First have him give you a Yoni Massage and then go down on you with oral pleasure.
The Yoni Massage course from Beducated is currently on sale.
Check Out The Tantric Massage Program Here ⇐ Currently On SALE
If you've never indulged in the sacred art of erotic massage, you could be forgiven for underestimating the power it can have on your relationship.
Erotic massage serves to connect lovers at the mind, body, and soul. It can help you let go of emotional baggage, become fully present with your partner and truly appreciate every loving touch on each other's bodies.
Once you learn how to give and receive this ecstatic pleasure, it can boost intimacy, revive fading sex drives and have you excited to jump underneath the sheets together.
In short, it can revolutionize your sex life.
That, in addition to using a good vibrator and a pulsator will reverse your atrophy and engorge your vulva.
Then with the use of plenty of organic coconut or avocado oil during intercourse, you should be able to climax more easily.
The oils I recommend are in my Amazon store here under "Safe Lubrication." The nut oils will also help rebuild your vulvar tissues post-hysterectomy.
You Can Find These On My Amazon Store ⇐ Use Some Lovely Organic Coconut Oil Or Avocado Oil
I heartily recommend you get two kinds of healthy sex toys. A pulsator (thruster) and a vibrator.
The StronicG from Fun Factory is a thruster. The thrusting is great for reversing vaginal atrophy, increasing lubrication and engorgement and the vibration is great for your internal clitoral structure. Since it's a G-spot tool as well, you can begin to awaken your G-area with the tip. You can use this internally a few times a week for self-pleasuring.
In a survey of 40 women using these pulsator-style vibrators, daily stimulation for 15-minutes for one month reported that "95% of the participants described an increase in the sensitivity of their vagina; 70% got in the mood more easily and many had more intense climaxes. 86% felt that sex with their partner was more relaxed and pleasurable."
Then get either the Lady Bi from Fun Factory which is a really nice clitoral vibrator that you can also use to stimulate yourself internally. Or get the new DiGiT from Hot Octopuss. The Lady Bi feels wonderful on the clitoral structure. It's hefty and solid and will last for years. The DiGiT is small and lightweight but still has a very nice vibration - not quite as strong but great for travel. You can slip your hand to your clitoris during intercourse with the DiGiT a bit more easily.
Check Out Fun Factory's Website ⇐ Try The StronicG And The Lady Bi
Check Out Hot Octopus' Website ⇐ Try The DiGiT
Treat yourself to both and throw that crappy Chinese toxic jelly toy in the trash immediately. It's made with plasticizers and phthalates - both of which are hormone disruptors.
I just did a 30-Day Self Pleasuring Challenge myself. I suggest this to you. If you skip a day here and there, no worries. But it will vastly increase your satisfaction and ability to not only orgasm more quickly but more often.
I like to self-pleasure alone, not in front of Tim. I do it in the morning when he's making us coffee. It's a nice start to the day and he's so supportive! We have more sex now that I'm masturbating more frequently!
Don't worry about being shy. It's very common. You'll get more confident and comfortable. And your husband sounds like he's also very supportive of your pleasure and joy.
This is a gift you give not only yourself but for him - this blossoming of your sexual self.
Let me know what you decide to get and how it goes.
If I had to get ONE toy, I'd get Lady Bi. But you don't have to get one. You can get two! Think about all the shoes you own for different reasons. Think of this as flip flops and high heels. You need both.
Sending you lots of blood flow, wetness, and orgasms.
Here are all the links I mentioned above:
Check Out The Tantric Massage Program Here ⇐ Currently On SALE
You Can Find These On My Amazon Store ⇐ Use Some Lovely Organic Coconut Oil Or Avocado Oil
Check Out Fun Factory's Website ⇐ Try The StronicG And The Lady Bi
Check Out Hot Octopus' Website ⇐ Try The DiGiT
Lots Of Love,
Suz
Susan Bratton, "Trusted Hot Sex Advisor To Millions" of lovers who crave lifelong intimacy and passion. As the Dear Abby of Sex, she has helped create and revive countless sex lives with her bestselling books and programs such as Relationship Magic, Sexual Soulmates, The Passion Patch, Revive Her Drive and her Steamy Sex Ed® Video Collection.
For more insider tips, follow her on Instagram and subscribe to her Better Lover YouTube channel.
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Susan Bratton
Dr. Patti Taylor
Sloane Fox
Tallulah Sulis
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