I just finished digging through tons of email, and I found a question that could have a MAJOR IMPACT on *your* long-term dating success.
Have a look at the question and my answer, then let me know what you think:
***MAILBAG QUESTION***
David,
Thank you for what you do. Because of you I don't
even have to ask girls for their numbers anymore.
I have one question though. This girl I like, we
went bowling the other week (I paid, I know I
wasn't suppose to but I told her she owed me a few
beers to pay me back).
Well the night went great and I did some of my
best C&F stuff on her and she was giving it back
laughing and smiling the whole time.
Now I really like this girl and I don't want to
put the cart before the horse, but I'd like to
make something out of this. I would like some
advice from the Big D on how to follow up on this
one.
DC, Denver
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Well DC, the Big D hears you, and your wish is my command...
When it comes to following up on a first date, there's an old saying that holds the whole key...
It sound like something Oprah might have said back in 1998, but stay with me on this...
Here's how it goes:
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it's yours forever -- or for at least as long as YOU want to have it around.
Okay, I added that last part myself.
But here's the point...
As simple as it sounds, this moldy-oldie couldn't be more true than when it comes to successfully taking things to the "next level after a first date...
The point is, as illogical as it sounds, you have to gently, subtly, skillfully push a woman *away* if you want to make her feel "drawn" to come back for more.
This principle is also known as THE HOLY GRAIL around here... the KEY TO IT ALL... the ONLY thing that MATTERS when it comes to success with women and dating...
... and that's creating irresistible feelings of ATTRACTION.
In other words -- NO woman starts to feel attraction for a man who comes across as needy... overeager... a pushover... worst of all, a total WussBag.
The kind of man that women DO feel irresistible attraction for are guys who are confident... in- control... mysterious... a challenge.
Also known around these parts as COOL.
That in mind... here are my 4 GOLDEN RULES for keeping things going after the first date (bowling or otherwise...) and keeping those first feelings of ATTRACTION building in a woman:
RULE #1: FORGET ABOUT HER
Wait... sounds crazy, right?
Things just went great on a first date, and now I'm telling you to forget about her?
Well, not really.
Here's what I'm saying:
Now more than ever, it's time for you to GET BUSY and stay that way with other things in your OWN life.
Hang with your buddies. Start reading a new book. Even better, go out on more first dates with OTHER women.
This is the best way, bar none, to amp-up any feelings of attraction a woman may have for you after the first date.
And listen, I totally get it...
It's probably your first impulse, DC, to make yourself feel more secure by trying to keep this girl safely in sight after bowling night... seeing her every day... constantly pinging her and calling her.
Well, FORGET IT.
And forget HER, at least for the moment.
This is critical:
For the next few weeks, make sure that you do NOT see her more than once or twice a week.
And... if you MUST give in to your "Inner Wuss" and call her the next day... always remember:
RULE #2: BE COOL ON THE PHONE
Here's how you do it:
Above all -- make sure you don't come across as overly eager.
You told me you already did some of your best Cocky & Funny stuff while you were knocking down pins -- so now's the time to pull back a bit on the humor so it doesn't become "too much."
Don't lay on the Cocky & Funny too strong over the phone, where she has no visual cues, and it's far too easy to come across as a jerk.
Also: make sure to avoid another common "wussy" follow-up phone call mistake... trying to set up another date because you feel so sure she'll never want to see you again if you don't strike while the iron is hot.
Here's what I suggest:
Call her up and say, "Hey, what's up?" Then... bring up about something she said to you last night... something *SPECIFIC* that makes it clear you were listening and interested in her.
You WERE listening and interested in her, weren't you, DC?
Then make a little small talk.
Then hang up.
That's right... you heard me.
HANG UP.
**WITHOUT** asking her to go out again.
The goal here is to keep her thinking about you... which is the #1 most powerful way to keep attraction building in her.
PERIOD.
By the way...
If you'd like to learn a bazillion OTHER guaranteed ways to keep a woman practically OBSESSING about you after you first meet her, check out this link.
When you click it, it'll blow your mind how EASY it is to keep a woman thinking about you after you've just met her...
... to the point of making HER do all the hard work of chasing YOU!
But okay... for now, onto my third Golden Rule for following up on a first date:
RULE #3: DON'T PING HER
It's a fact of modern life -- nowadays people find it much more easy and "safe" to email and text than to call.
Makes perfect sense... but it's also FAR too easy to let your "wussy" tendencies to blow up in your face here...
Pinging her sends all the wrong signals after a great first date:
1) It tells her that you're insecure and possessive
2) It tells her that you lack the "cojones" to call her and talk to her live. (I know... I told you not to call her either, and that still stands.)
3) It tells her that you don't have a life
Which leads us directly to:
RULE #4: GET A LIFE!
See a theme developing here?
As I already said a couple times above, it's the WHOLE BALLGAME when it comes to following up on a great first date... and by the way, when it comes to SUCCEEDING WITH WOMEN IN GENERAL...
That's why I gave it its own Rule.
If you have a problem with that, feel free to contact your local Golden Rules Committee...
But seriously, what I'm trying to say here is this:
Until you've made the decision that you really like a particular woman, it's critical that you don't focus too much energy on her.
Focus too much energy and time on a woman that you've just spent one date with, and it will:
a) creep them out
b) then make them start avoiding you
c) then make them want nothing to do with you.
If these stages of post-first-date failure sound familiar to YOU, then that's a HUGE red flag...
REVIEW RULES #1, #2, and #3 ABOVE RIGHT NOW.
And remember... they say a watched pot never boils... so keep heating up water in those OTHER pots!
If you're not currently seeing OTHER women, DC, then start getting numbers and dates.
If you need a a lightning-fast, fail-proof primer on how to do it, click here.
Meanwhile, here's my last suggestion...
Also use this time to discover what you want in life for YOURSELF (that is, besides lots of dates with great women).
Begin to explore the goals, passions and pursuits that make YOU feel fulfilled and excited in life.
Because... before you know what these things are... it's VERY difficult to come across as the kind of confident, passionate, exciting guy that can make a women feel ATTRACTION.
And listen, this doesn't mean you have to "master" all of your passions and pursuits...
No one expects you to become the next LeBron or Tom Brady... even Mark Zuckerberg... overnight.
But, at least once you know what your passions are, you can begin transmitting all the right "signals" to a woman... signals that say you HAVE A LIFE and won't be following her around like a LOVESICK PUPPY any time soon.
Okay, DC, I think that about covers it.
Bottom line:
Follow these 4 Golden Rules for following up on a first date, and there's no doubt about it...
*YOU* will become the one in the driver's seat.
*YOU* will be the one who decides when you go out with her again, and how often you see her.
*YOU* will be the one she spends HER time obsessing about (instead of the other way around).
Best of all:
*YOU* will become the kind of man that OTHER women are fighting over to go out with.
Sound good?
Thought so.
Thanks again for the letter, DC.
I feel like I did a lot of good here today... think I'll go pat myself on the back for awhile.
Until next time, keep those emails coming...
Your friend,
P.S. Almost forgot...
Did you know there's a way to trigger MASSIVE SEXUAL FEELINGS in a woman so quickly that doing it TONIGHT will virtually GUARANTEE a mind-blowing experience you'll never forget?
This one's a bit too hot to handle here, but I definitely want YOU to know about it...
It's one of my world-famous "77 Laws Of Success" with women and dating, so learn about it here.
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