What If A Woman Wants To Be "Just Friends"?
***QUESTION***
Hello,
My name is O. im 20 years old, living in Cyprus.
Actually in my college i got interested to a gal.
She was also good with me and many times did
somethings that means, at least for me, she is
interested to me too. Recently I got her mobile
number and i called her the day after it and she
talked to me normally BUT after a few days when i
called her again she did not answered to my call
(she didnt pick the mobile up). then I sent her
this SMS:
Without U life is Black not White.Without U the
world has no hope,no light.Without U I cant go
left or right.Without U I lose my sight.THANK U MY
GLASSES!
I called her 2 or 3 times after it in 3 days but
she didnot answered again.Then I sent her this
SMS: DAYS R 2 BUSY HOURS R 2 FAST SECONDS R 2 FEW
BUT THERE IS ALWAYS TIME 4 ME 2 REMEMBER YOU!
2 days after it I again called her and this time
she didnot pickup the phone as well,So I decided
to say her every thing and tell her the truth and
at least I will know is she really likes me or
not,then i sent her this message:
Hello my A.,I sent you lots of messages BUT you
did not answered to me.Im worry about you,is every
thing all right? I want to tell you a truth... I
like you, in fact I love you. You are always in my
mind,you are everywhere,I never forget you...I
REALLY MISS YOU!
Then, after 2 hours she replyed me with this
message:
Hey O. I got all your messages I'm all right
I want to tell u that I just want a be your
friend.Sorry if I Gave u the wrong idea, I didn't
want u to misunderstand me
With this message she told me that she doesnot
want to be my girl friend so in reply to her I
wrote this(I said good bye):
Thanks for answering.I hope you be successful in
your life everywhere with anybody and thanks for
every thing 'cause you taught me many things!
I was not expecting any reply from her but she
sent this sms right after my sms:
I enjoy being your friend.I WISH U THE BEST.Have a
nice holiday.Sorry if I made u feel bad:(
did not send her any sms but after 2 days she sent
me this sms, which really made me quite confused:
* * * * * * * * * * * *....FRIENDS are like
stars.... you do not ALWAYS SEE them but you know
they are ALWAYS there!!!
I really need your advise. The girl who did not
EVEN wanted to answer to my calls now sends me
such messages!
Now,I beg you please tell me what does she mean by
these words? and What should I do?
I really loved her but when she told me that she
want just to be my friend,however,it was hard for
me to believed but I accepted it and said goodbye
to her with my last message.But as you can
see....!!!!
I need your idea totally, What do think about her?
and IF you suggest me to continue being her friend
What should I do now after sending that goodbye
sms? What should I reply to her last message,what
should I told her? honestly, I still like her! but
I think Im not sure is she playing with me? and
the last question, If she want me just as friend
Am I so important for her that she do not want to
lose me? and Why?
I'm looking forward to hear from you. Please tell
me what do you think about her from her messages.
Very Sincerely Yours,
O.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Even though you live all the way on the other
side of the world from me in Cyprus, I can still
feel your pain.
I think that probably every man can identify
with the following sequence:
1) Meet girl.
2) Get along well with girl.
3) Feel attracted to girl and think she is
attracted to you.
4) Tell girl that you like her (after getting up
the nerve).
5) Girl disappears.
6) Call girl 47 times, but still no response.
7) Finally girl turns up and says, "I only like
you as a friend and sorry if I hurt you".
...Ouch. I know it's a bummer, but you might
take comfort knowing that this has happened to me
and just about every guy I know MANY times.
Let me take a shot at explaining what's going
on here and hopefully help you and the others
reading this to avoid this kind of thing as much
as possible in the future.
From my perspective, there are a few main
issues going on here all at once...
1) Women are complex and often illogical (so are
men, but in different ways).
2) Women are attracted to men for reasons that
most men either don't know, don't understand,
or won't accept.
3) The way that women communicate isn't always as
"direct and straightforward" as most of us guys
would like.
4) It's difficult to un-do one of these situations
once it has reached this point.
5) There are things you can do to avoid this kind
of thing in the future.
So, let's deal with these one at a time as
they relate to your situation...
1) Women are complex and often illogical (so are
men, but in different ways):
Women act on emotion and intuition more than
men. They don't do the "logical" thing as often as
men.
Women walk into Starbucks and order a "fat
free" cafe mocha and then get WHIPPED CREAM on
top. No kidding. I see it all the time...
Women will go through a full closet of clothing
trying to choose something to wear to the
supermarket, then conclude that "there's nothing
to wear in here"...
Women spend $200 on shoes that are going to be
worn a few times...
Again, men have their bizarre behaviors, and
I'm not trying to "badmouth" women... but in my
experience women are usually not very LOGICAL
about things... and they're ESPECIALLY illogical
when it comes to relationships.
Men are perfectly logical. They want to have
sex with everything. Women aren't. They only want
to have sex with men who DON'T want to have sex
with them. LOL!
My point is that you have to put your ideas
about how things "should" be OUT OF YOUR MIND.
Start a new way of thinking about things based on
REALITY and not LOGIC.
2) Women are attracted to men for reasons that
most men either don't know, don't understand,
or won't accept:
As I like to say, "Attraction Isn't A Choice".
We don't think about who we'd like to feel
attraction for, it just happens on its own in
most cases.
But the thing to remember is that ATTRACTION
has a pattern. It's like a combination lock or a
puzzle. There is a way to create it if you know
the "recipe". On the other hand, if you DON'T know
the recipe, then you're not likely to figure it
out by trial and error. And the reason for this --
again -- is because IT'S NOT LOGICAL.
While men are attracted mostly to LOOKS, women
are attracted mostly to PERSONALITY TRAITS.
In your situation, you displayed the
personality trait that I refer to as WUSSY a
little too early in the game.
Women generally aren't attracted to men who get
too lovey-dovey and emotional too quickly. There's
no mystery or challenge when you fall in love
immediately.
And when you call 31 times a day, it only makes
the problem worse. What you need to do in these
situations is LEAN BACK more and give her some
space. Give her room to think about you and miss
you.
3) The way that women communicate isn't always as
"direct and straightforward" as most of us guys
would like:
If a woman wants to tell you that she isn't
interested in you in a romantic way, she'll often
NOT tell you as her way of telling you. In other
words, she might just disappear for awhile. Or she
might not return calls quickly. Or she might talk
about other guys with you...
Once again, you have to put the concept of
pure, rational LOGIC out of your mind when it
comes to the world of ATTRACTION.
Women are subtle. They read into things and try
to tell you things indirectly. Women don't
generally take what you say at face value. They
want to know what everything REALLY means.
If you meet a girl and after the first date
you say "I really like you, you're beautiful and I
have feelings for you" they think you said "I'm a
Wuss because I fall in love too quickly".
On the other hand, if you say "Good night, give
me a call sometime" she'll think you said "You
were kind of boring, and if you want to talk to me
again you're going to have to call me".
4) It's difficult to un-do one of these situations
once it has reached this point:
Unfortunately, once a woman has "made up her
mind" about a guy, it's usually VERY difficult to
change her mind.
If you're in a situation like this where a
woman has said "I only like you as a friend", then
you're best off going out and meeting some other
women and getting on with your life IMMEDIATELY!
Don't wait. Get on with it.
If you disappear from HER life, then turn up a
month or two later... and you're dating a few
other attractive women... she might see you in a
new light.
Jealousy is a VERY powerful motivator to women
and this is often what it takes to get a woman to
see you in a new light once you've let out your
INNER-WUSSY too early in the game.
Point: Don't try to un-do it. Just get on with
your life and quit obsessing over her.
5) There are things you can do to AVOID this kind
of thing in the future:
The most important step you can take is to
LEARN HOW ATTRACTION WORKS! You need to learn this
game so you know what's happening in future
situations... and, most importantly, you know what
to do to make women feel attracted to you from the
beginning (and, of course, how to NOT let your
inner WUSS rear its ugly head too often).
As you know, some of my favorite ways to do
this are by being Cocky and Funny, teasing women,
busting on them in a particular way, playing hard
to get, etc.
But if you want to learn how ATTRACTION works
and to make it work for YOU, then YOU'RE going to
have to go out and do it. No one else is going to
do it for you.
I did the trial-and-error thing. I tried all
kinds of stuff. In fact, I've probably tried more
different ideas for meeting women than anyone I
know.
The real shift towards success came when I
started making friends with guys who were very
successful with women... and then watching what
they did in person.
I found that these guys did things that THEY
WEREN'T EVEN aware of... things that made women
literally pursue THEM. I then took all of this
information and combined it with the other things
I had learned... I worked like a mad scientist for
a few years on this because I really wanted to get
this area of my life figured out.
Well, as you can imagine, I developed some
pretty amazing techniques for meeting women,
getting emails and phone numbers, taking things to
a "physical" level, and everything in between.
You have to do a lot of INNER work if you want
to be the kind of guy who can keep an amazing
woman.
When I was on my own personal quest to learn
how to attract women, I found that most of the
materials available only focused on the OUTER
game. In other words, they only talked about
techniques. They said "Just go up to a woman and
say HI..." but they didn't talk about HOW to say
the words, or how to understand what the woman
would be thinking when I did approach her... or
any of the million other "INNER GAME" issues
around meeting women.
After spending a few years figuring this stuff
out, I have realized that it is VITAL that a guy
get his Inner Game together FIRST.
Once you understand how and why women are
attracted to certain types of men, and how the
human "mating dance" works, you will SEE things
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way. It's like putting on a pair of 3-D glasses...
and seeing things in a totally new way.
Then, I think it's important to learn THE BEST
"techniques" and actual strategies for meeting
women... from where to go, to what to say, to how
to take things to a "physical" level smoothly and
without "rejection".
If you'd like to build a ROCK SOLID "Inner
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My "On Being A Man Who Naturally Attracts
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Also, when I put my Advanced Dating Techniques
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I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David D.
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