***Dating QUESTION From A Reader***
{NOTE: This is a short question, and it refers
to another newsletter I sent out in the past. If
you don't immediately get it, just read my answer
and all will become clear.}
"The "Guy In The Bar" Story...
Why should he have left the bar as soon as he got
the waitress' phone number?
This is "Ultra Extra Important" you said. I think
I know why he should have left, he was probably
staring at her all night and she was turned off
by it, but give me your complete insight on why
he should have left immediately after getting her
e-mail.
Thanks, R."
>>>MY COMMENTS:
As I said in the newsletter you quoted above, this concept is VERY important.
Understanding why you need to leave at this point is part of understanding the dynamic called ATTRACTION.
So before I get into the specifics, let's talk about the underlying process that creates ATTRACTION...
1) ATTRACTION isn't a choice. It's an emotional reaction.
ATTRACTION is nature's way of taking over our minds and bodies long enough to make sure that we mate with someone with the best possible genes.
I realize that this sounds pretty "clinical" and lame, but it's the damn truth.
Attraction isn't concerned with you, her, or love. It's evolved over a loooong period of time, and it has a purpose that is very important.
2) ATTRACTION isn't logical, in the sense that it isn't created by things that "should" create it.
Buying women dinner and gifts, giving lots of compliments when you first meet a woman, and kissing up to women to get their approval are examples of "logical" things that SHOULD create attraction...but don't.
When you understand how attraction works, you begin to see that it has a "logic" all its own.
Attraction is one of my favorite subjects... and I think you should understand it if you want to be successful with women.
My second book is called "Attraction Isn't A Choice", and you can go and download the online version of it right now...which I highly recommend...right here.
3) Women aren't attracted to guys who act like needy Wuss-Bags. When guys give lots of compliments, seek approval, act clingy, or try to go out of their way to be overly "nice", it usually backfires.
Women run from Wussy men (either that or they go shoe shopping with them...and the guy usually pays).
4) Unfortunately, many guys are mentally programmed to a sort of "Default Wussy" mode of behavior when they encounter a woman who they're attracted to.
When you combine this Default Wuss mode with nervous body language, you create an almost- impossible barrier between you and ever creating ATTRACTION.
5) Just like a painting or a song, too much can ruin an interaction with a woman.
You must know when to leave, hang up, or end the interaction.
Leaving at the right moment creates tension, anticipation and mystery.
YOU EITHER INCREASE OR DECREASE ATTRACTION - IT'S ALWAYS EITHER GOING UP OR DOWN...
Of course, there are more ingredients to ATTRACTION, but these will set the stage for where I'm going with this...
In every situation, you can do something to INCREASE the ATTRACTION...and you can do something to DECREASE it. In other words, there's always a way to dial up this magical emotion.
And yes, you can increase the ATTRACTION even when you've just met. In fact, this is often the best time to do it.
Let me ask you a question...
What would most guys do in the situation with the waitress (or maybe a bartender)?
Imagine it.
You're in a bar, you're chatting with the cute gal serving drinks or behind the bar. You're being Cocky and Funny, busting on her, etc. and she's enjoying your company. You say "Hey, do you have email?" and she writes it down for you...
WHAT DO YOU DO?
You could...
a) Sit there and keep talking.
b) Stay and talk to her a few more times.
c) Wait around hoping that you can go home with her.
d) Leave.
So let's do a little critical thinking about this situation before I comment (or maybe this will be the comment, we'll see).
If you:
(a) sit there and keep talking, what's likely to happen?
In my experience, unless you're the ultimate Mac Daddy of all time, the only place to go is DOWN.
Think about it...you got her info. You did it. She's working. She's only going to get busy, which will probably make the conversation more difficult.
And then there's the risk of saying or doing something stupid, getting too drunk to make sense, or just having the interaction go cold.
All in all, you have very little chance of anything good happening, and a great chance of having something not-so-good happening.
Doesn't sound like a very good idea to me.
If you:
(b) stay there in the bar (maybe join friends who show up), and talk to her a few more times while ordering drinks, etc. what is likely to happen?
Again, we're dealing with a situation that almost can't get any BETTER. Remember, she already gave you the info. Now she might start thinking "Oh, this is just another loser who hangs out all night and gets drunk with his buddies...like the other 47 guys who hit on me."
Or you might say something dumb...or you might tip her too much or too little and make a strange impression...or any of a lot of things.
All downside risk, no upside rewards.
If you:
(c) wait around hoping that you can go home with her, I think you're REALLY taking your chances in the situation.
Again, unless you're the ultimate pick-up artist of all time, you're not likely to be taking home the bartender by sitting in front of her and drinking all night...for the same reasons listed above.
But what if:
(d) YOU LEFT IMMEDIATELY after getting her info?
What effect does DISAPPEARING have on an interaction like this one?
Well, let me ask you: What effect does disappearing have IN GENERAL on people?
It creates curiosity, mystery, etc. It makes the other person think "I wonder where he/she had to go so fast?"
You can also combine this with having something very INTERESTING to do. For instance, you might say:
"Nice talking to you...I'm going to go meet up with some friends to have some SERIOUS fun."
This technique of leaving the moment I've gotten a woman's information has worked WONDERS for me...and for many guys I know.
The long and the short of it is that if you stick around after you get the info, you create no tension, no mystery, and no curiosity.
On the other hand, if you LEAVE IMMEDIATELY, and have something interesting (even if you don't say what it is) to go do, then you're seen as busy...the kind of guy who has a life...someone who is in demand.
Leaving turns up the ATTRACTION. It creates curiosity.
Women are used to guys hanging on, clinging, and generally NOT having other things to do.
It's something that will INSTANTLY separate you from other guys, and something that will demonstrate all the right qualities with a single move.
Remember, you can do things to INCREASE or DECREASE the ATTRACTION in any given situation. I recommend that you start thinking of how to increase it as much as you possibly can, because if a woman feels ATTRACTION, then almost nothing else matters.
Let's shift gears.
When it comes to CREATING ATTRACTION, you can take it to the next level...and the next...all the way to the point of "getting physical" with a woman...
...I've gone from not being able to even TALK to a woman I don't know...to being able to approach any woman in any situation and have a VERY HIGH chance of getting a date with her...and of course more, if I want.
If you're reading this right now, and saying to yourself "I would really like to know how he does that", then I'd like to share the secrets with you.
And I'd like to do it at absolutely NO RISK to you.
I want you to watch my Advanced Dating Techniques Program... you can start watching it right now (in streaming video format) and take 30 days to decide if you'd like to keep it.
Really.
Go through the WHOLE PROGRAM.
TRY some of the things you learn.
I absolutely guarantee that you will start to see IMMEDIATE results. Women will respond to you differently, because you will see things from a new perspective.
If you don't get immediate results, let me know and I'll remove your access from the online videos and refund all your money.
Better yet: you don't even have to pay it all up-front... Choose my easy monthly payments option if you prefer.
Go check them out here.
...and if you would like to learn the basics of how to be successful with women and dating, you need to go download a copy of my online eBook "Double Your Dating." It and the three bonus booklets that come along with it are a killer introduction to my concepts and techniques.
You can download it and be reading it within a few minutes.
It's here.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your friend,
P.S. I get a lot of questions in my mailbox asking me how I learned all of this stuff... and how I figured out some of the secrets I've learned about women and attraction.
If you'd like to read the story, go here.
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