Let's get into today's reader mailbag...
Q. Hey Dave!
I'm finally starting to get it. It took a long time (lots of e-mails read, e-book read, listened, and seminar attended), but one night it just clicked, and I'm now starting to get some e-mail/phone numbers. And I'm getting the tea dates going.
I had one amazing realization today - whenever I don't get an initial meeting after getting the e-mail, I don't do what i used to which is get depressed, find fault in myself, and figure I'll never get anybody.
Now, since I'm working on this next step of getting the initial meeting, I just see it as a recipe. Maybe with girl A I was too C and not enough F. Maybe with girl B I'm not making her feel comfortable enough of meeting at my place.
I realized that with practice I'll get the recipe right and be able to turn any e-mail into an initial date. That new mindset has taken a long time to get to and it's mostly due to your info. Thanks!
Question: Tonight's first date went really well! I was almost too comfortable and was totally calm and cool. Poked fun at her, never answered any questions directly, and I didn't sit around worrying about whether or not she liked me. I could almost tangibly feel the attraction being amplified!
But I found out during the date that she's a single mom. Now, I, personally, don't like to date single moms for various reasons - not even for a one-night stand. (A lot of guys disagree and that's cool - this is my own thing).
Could you suggest a way to ask this prior to the first date? Perhaps it's my own limiting belief, but it seems that by asking this, I'm implying that I'm looking at her as possible long-term material.
Thanks a lot and everybody reading this: Buy the programs....They rock!
R.
A. Well, thanks for the shameless advertising plug, R. I really appreciate it. OK, you've asked a very interesting question. It's interesting not because of the content of the actual question... but more because of what it says about you and what you're thinking.
When you say, "Can you tell me how to ask a woman if she has kids before a first date?" it implies that you think that there's something wrong with just coming out and asking it.
It's like you're saying, "Well, I know that I can't just ask her if she has kids... so can you tell me some cool trick to get her to spill it without me having to ask?". Well guess what? THIS IS A PROBLEM. And here's why:
You Should NEVER Use "Tricks" To Learn More About A Woman
If you want to know something about a woman... including whether or not she has kids... then you need to come right out at CONFIDENTLY ASK.
Say "Hey, do you have any kids?". If she says, "Yes", then say, "Great. I'm really looking for a woman who doesn't have any kids, but we can be friends."
Let's use a different example. Let's say you've placed a personal ad online. Let's say that a cute woman replies. Let's say that she sends you a picture... but it only shows her face... and you're only interested in women who are slim.
Now, you probably would write to me and ask me to give you some slick way to get her to share how much she weighs with you without having to ask. WRONG IDEA. Just email her and say, "Hey, how tall are you and how much do you weigh? I really prefer women who are slim. Let me know..." That's it.
Think about it. If she is slim, she'll tell you, and probably be glad that you were up front with her and direct. If she isn't slim, she'll be glad you told her now and didn't waste her time. (By the way... it's not ok to say, "Hey, I really hate fat chicks... so tell me now, because if you're fat I'm going to bail...". That's not cool.)
I think that your problem is probably rooted in insecurity, and caring too much what other people think of you.
If you act like an adult and expect others to act like adults, you'll do well with women. If you pussy-foot around the issue (a perfect term for you and this) you'll wind up trying to do things that waste every-one's time. If you're up front, direct, and not caring what other people think of you, then you're going to make women respond more powerfully. Guaranteed.
Oh, and great job getting your act together with women. You're doing very well, keep it up.
And feel free to promote my materials anytime you want in the future.
Q.***Comment From A Woman***
Dear David,
I've been reading your email newsletters...not because I'm a male needing advice, but because I am a female who likes to get insight into what men are thinking! I'll have to say that what you are telling these guys is right on target.
I have a girlfriend who is a perfect 10, but she has the worst luck with men. Know why? They are too nice to her! I was sitting out by the pool with her this past weekend, and listening to her talk about the latest guy she's dating.
He's cute, attentive, sweet, thoughtful, generous, funny, and a tiger in bed!! But, she told me that he isn't the one. I asked her why, and this is exactly what she said, "He's too agreeable".
"Everything I say is ok with him...anything I want to do, go, or think is OK with him. I'm getting bored. He doesn't have enough personality for me. He's always smiling, and my thirteen year old daughter even says he's a wuss for being so nice all the time. I want a man who's a challenge."
Now, this woman sees this other guy from time to time, and she'd drop what she's doing and drive 6 hours just to spend one night with him! But that guy doesn't call regularly and he treats her poorly, but she'd give her first born child to have him!
No, it doesn't make sense, David, but that is the way a lot of Number 10 women are. And if a guy really wants a 10, your techniques would work like a charm. Just warn these guys that 10's are very difficult women to deal with, and they are used to having every guy's attention, so they need to keep the game up to keep her from straying.
I wish guys would see that the 10's, although they are pretty to look at, aren't always worth the effort. My friends who are 5's would treat men better, if they could get their attention.
Me? I'm about a 7-8 but I use your techniques on men, and they work quite well. A year ago, I was dating 4-5 men at time. The one guy that I cared the least about and brushed off time and again, is the one I'm dating all the time now!
He just hung in there no matter how many dates I cancelled or even if I told him I had another date! I even told him I was dating lots of other men!
But, he just hung in there, and I got tired of the others, and now I only date him, and we're happy! Oh, I do still give him a challenge! I am not always available, and I don't call him often, nor email him all the time, and when he goes out of town on work, I don't get all jealous and worry.
I don't have to worry. He can't wait to get back to me! He cooks for me and treats me like a Queen.
So...tell those guys this little secret about women. The 10's love it when you are a challenge, and they may end up with a 10, but remember that those women can be the most difficult. Give the lower numbers a chance sometimes, and they will find a devoted mate!
Later...
K in SC
A. Amen, sister. Preach it.
You gotta love honest women. And you've laid it out for everyone to see. I wish all men had an older sister like you who could tell them how it is from an early age...
But, alas, we do not.
I'm going to go read your email again, because it's gold.
Send a picture next time. I promise that I'll never call you all the time, and I'll never tolerate you canceling anything on me. (Of course, then you'd fall in love with me, and I'd have to break your heart.)
What a life.
Q. Dear David,
I must say kudos to you for creating a new man out of me. Let me explain myself. I ordered your ebook a while ago and have been getting your newsletter for the better part of a year. However, only recently, I decided enough is enough.
I started putting what I read into action to see what happens. Of course, it really helps that I'm a well-built muscular tall, dark and handsome man (Lol). Ain't that what the ladies are looking for? To clarify in terms of specs, I'm 5'11", of South Indian origin, and I've been a recreational bodybuilder for going on 14 years now.
The nightclub I like to frequent to dance in has a lot of gorgeous women, several easily 9's and 10's. Well, the other night, I approached a girl who was without a doubt at least a 10. She was acting very coy and detached to anybody but the crowd of guys and girls she was with.
Since she was wearing a cabbie-style hat, I came up to her and said, "Hey, I like your hat." She smiled and said, "Thanks" but still was kind of stuck up. So, then, I said, "Let me guess, you're a taxi-driver." She looked at me with a "there's NO way you just said that to me" shocked expression on her face but then, she instantly warmed up to me and replied with a big smile on her face, "No, I'll bet you are though."
Well, Dave, I'm a doctor and I'm sure it helped for her to hear that but the rest of the night, she was rubbing up against me and holding me tight, even grinding with me on the dance floor. What's even more surprising is that her boyfriend was part of the crowd and since I introduced myself to the rest of the group, he was cool with me hanging with them.
I'm willing to bet that if he had not been there, she would have tried to kiss me and probably even make out with me. You are definitely the man, the myth, the legend, David DeAngelo. Thank you.
Now I apologize for such a long account but I did want to demonstrate the scenario carefully if anyone can benefit from it. My question to you is quite simply this:
Why is it that some women seem totally enamored in person and act like they want to go out but then never return your phone calls or initiate calls themselves? I mean, I can tell that they are not faking their interest in me and so, what happens once they leave from my presence?
T.M. Michigan
A. What's that, T.M.? You mean to tell me that even tall, dark, and handsome body-builder guys need help, too? LOL...
It's funny, because most guys don't realize that even good-looking guys have all the same challenges with women... I mean, it certainly doesn't HURT to be a handsome guy, but women do all the same things, no matter what a guy looks like.
Back to your question. Here's the whole deal, man:
SHOCKER: Many Attractive Women Have Extremely Low Self-Esteem
Therefore, here's what you need to know: Many (if not most) of these really attractive women are really just out to get attention. In other words, they're not looking to meet a good guy... they're not looking to find someone who will treat them well... they're not looking for love.
They're looking to fill an empty part of their self-image, and attention makes them feel good. Some women actually enjoy getting attention from guys, then acting like they don't like it.
Hey, I never said women made sense...
Have you ever known a woman who wears low-cut blouses, then complains because guys only look at her breasts while talking to her? Duh. If a woman complains about something like this to me, I'll say something like, "You know, now that you mention it... are those real?"
It's crazy, but here are a few things to remember...
A woman will behave DIFFERENTLY according to her mood. If she's happy when she's with you, then she might act like she's enjoying herself. If you call the next day and she's depressed because she still has no self-esteem, then she's probably not going to call you.
- ATTRACTION is the key. You must realize that if you dial up the attraction by creating Sexual Tension, etc. then you'll have a much stronger chance of seeing her again.
- DON'T CHASE. When you talk to her again, make sure you don't communicate that you need anything... especially attention or approval.
- Lose the need to have every woman like you. One big weakness that most men have is a woman who won't call back. But remember, women are the same way. Read the email at the beginning of this newsletter from the attractive woman for details.
- You always have options. When you know how to meet women anytime you want, then it doesn't matter what happens in a particular situation. And if it doesn't matter, women can sense it. This is a very attractive quality.
Q. Dear Dave,
Let me be the one to tell you that you deserve to sit on a solid gold throne for the rest of your life with gorgeous female servants feeding you grapes and fanning you with giant feathers.
Your advanced series is definitely the best investment I made in my life. After watching it for the first time, my whole perspective on women changed. I have so much to say, but I'll try to keep it short:
I've been having so much fun coming up with cocky + funny comments, I had to share some of my ideas with your readers. Here are some of my favorite lines I use:
If I happen to get a phone call while I'm around a girl I've been talking to, Ill bring her up in the conversation w/ whoever called me, making some teasing comment about her loud enough for her to hear.
She'll usually give me a face, or flip me off...so then I say to my friend on the phone, "yea, she likes me." So simple, yet they eat it up! I'll tell girls who are walking behind me to stop following me because I'm getting that stalker vibe from them...and if they want to look at my ass that bad, they can take a snapshot of it for $4.99...as long as it's for their personal enjoyment and not to show off to their friends.
I also like to put a price on my time or presence. For instance, I'll be talking to a girl for a little bit, then I'll look down at my watch and say, "Okay, I talked to you for two minutes, and I let you shake my hand...that'll be twenty dollars, tip not included".
Then I'll say that I really have to get going, and demand their phone number so I can "collect my money on a more convenient date." I love this way of communication...it makes girls attracted to you, and it's so much more fun than the normal boring stuff.
Now, a quick question. First off, I loved your last Dating Tip...about Sexual Tension. One of your best emails.
But I have a question about eye contact...do you ever have to watch for when it's appropriate? An example would be last week when I was in a club. I was standing, and I turned around to face a cute girl who I immediately locked eyes with. She wasn't going anywhere, she was just standing.
But we were only abut a foot away from each other looking directly into each others eyes. I wasn't even going to try to talk to her, because it was too noisy.
But I didn't want to just stand there, a foot away from her face, just staring, 'cause I figured I would seem like a weirdo...so I just walked past her. What would you say to do in situations like this?
Are there times when your rule about eye contact (not looking away until she does) isn't appropriate? Is proximity to the girl your eye-locked with an issue?
Thanx again
Dave... you're the man. TG, Tacoma
A. Well, another great question... And more shameless advertising for my Advanced Series. What a great combination.
But I digress... Yes, let's talk about eye contact... what to do after you've made it... and a larger principle that's at stake here. Here's the deal:
There Are 5 Signals That INSTANTLY Tell A Woman You're A "Wuss"
These are dead giveaways to a woman that tell her you're not worth her time.They are instant ATTRACTION KILLERS that leave you dead in the water every time, including:
- Inability to maintain eye contact
- Slumped, submissive posture
- Fidgeting nervously
- Giving away power
- Looking for attention and approval from others
Of course, there are quite a few more examples of other little things that women look for... to make quick decisions about what kind of man you are... and instantly know whether or not you are worthy of a second thought.
Now, as you've heard me say a million times, these decisions all happen on a subconscious level. Women don't look at a man, then say to a friend, "Well, he maintained eye contact when I first looked at him, then he held his head up high in a dominant posture... so I'm going to give him a chance".
It's an instant feeling that women get. They use these little body language cues to instantly size you up, then respond instantly.
Now, you're asking about a particular facet of eye contact... specifically, when you're standing one foot away from her and it happens.
Your question leads me to believe that you think things must be different if you're close to a woman... as if the rules should change if she's closer than 4.35234 feet. If anything, it takes more composure and inner strength to look a woman in the eyes if she's standing a foot away.
In this case it's even more important to not look away, and try saying, "I just couldn't help noticing you... {pause}... staring at me..." That's funny. Or say, "Do you always maintain such strong eye contact? Or only with guys like me that you can't help it with?"
The Bottom Line: Doing ANYTHING Is Better Than Doing NOTHING
I mean, you don't even have to expend the energy to walk over and start a conversation. Even "Hi" is better than walking away.
Plus: once you get over your remaining fear of the unknown, and you realize that you're in control of your life and your results, you'll begin to realize that situations like these are great opportunities... which reminds me of something.
I honestly believe that fear of the unknown is one of the biggest obstacles that guys face with women. It may sound silly, but most guys who are afraid to approach women really don't know exactly WHAT they're afraid of.
All they know is that they have an instant fear come up whenever they think of walking up to a woman they don't know and talking to her.
Of course, a fear of the unknown sounds like an easy thing to fix. I mean, just realize that you don't even know what you're afraid of, and it should go away, right?
Sounds good, but it's wrong. The fact is that this is a complex problem. I mean, I've met guys who have gone to therapy for years to get over fears... and it didn't work.
Now, I'm not a therapist or psychologist... but I do know one thing...
I Had This Very Same Fear... So I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE
But the really weird part is that the thing that helped me get over it wasn't anything that I expected. What helped me get past it, and helped me to start approaching women and getting emails and numbers from women I didn't know, was simply this:
Understanding what was going on... and then knowing exactly what to do in each situation.
The problem that I had in the past was that I JUST DIDN'T GET IT with women. I didn't understand what made them feel attraction for one guy while feeling nothing or even like running away from another guy.
Now that I do get it, I have to say that it's pretty damn interesting. But it's not at all what I would have expected. In fact, it took me a couple of years of trying to figure it out to actually begin to really understand how and why women feel that instant and magical ATTRACTION response for some guys... while most guys go their whole lives without women even noticing them.
Once I Learned About ATTRACTION, Everything Changed For Me
In this Mailbag, quite a few guys wrote in who have had the same experience this week with my Advanced Series. They all watched it, learned about CREATING ATTRACTION, then had a light bulb come on in their heads.
Before they spent the 12+ hours going through the program they didn't get it. After they went through the program they DID get it.
A lot of guys write in to say that "It just clicked all of a sudden" or "I had a huge Ah-Ha when I went through the program." You'll also notice that most of the guys who make these comments have read this newsletter for quite awhile as well.
What I'm trying to say is that my Advanced Series will totally change the way you see things... and therefore totally change your results with women.
It's taken me literally years to figure all of this stuff out, and I can honestly say that it's nothing like the other books and programs that are available.
PLUS: As Always, My Famous TRY IT RISK-FREE Offer Still Stands
It's simple... Go watch the program. You can try it risk free. Really. If you don't like it, I'll refund your money. All the details are below:
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