Asking For Changes (Erotic Playdates #8)

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Susan Bratton Dr. Patti Taylor Sloane Fox Tallulah Sulis

Erotic Playdates are when you and your partner set aside a specific time for passion play. You plan for (and look forward to) sensual "private" activities where you come together beginners to learn new things together. Think of Erotic Playdates as fun "couples sexercises" that grow and enrich your intimacy - physical and emotional. This is hot monogamy at its best and it's also great for singles who date! Remember our last Erotic Playdate all about "Touching For Feedback?" This next one plays well after that, and is called "Asking For Changes." One person asks the other for changes regarding the way they touch, kiss, hug, speak, or anything else one feels is important in their relationship. Most of the time, we don't want to ask our partner to change how they're doing because we don't want to hurt their feelings. Or, when we do ask for changes, the other party doesn't receive the request, or doesn't implement them. This Erotic Playdate ensures an open communication method for both partners to give and receive requests for changes. Again, I'm going to use the terms "Giver" for the one who gives the pleasure, and "Receiver" for the one who is receiving the pleasure. Both roles can be switched as often as you want. Here's what you and your partner should do. GIVER ASKING THE RECEIVER The Giver (for example, the masculine) asks the receiver if she would like small changes in the amount of pressure he is giving her when they hug. Start with simple and easy-to-answer questions. The simpler the better. Because then it will be much easier to apply. Here's a basic formula I love to use: "Would you like me to use more (or less) X?" X can be speed, pressure, intensity, friction, frequency, or anything you want to talk about. Your partner should simply say yes or no to answer. Then the Giver says "thank you" as a confirmation they received and understood the Receiver's answer. RECEIVER ASKING THE GIVER Now it's time for the receiver of the pleasure to do the asking. They ask... "Would you use more (or less) of X?" X can be pressure, speed, intensity, friction, and other details. The receiver can also ask to move the point of pleasure to the right, left, lower, or higher. The giver then says, "Thank you" and implements the message. Then the receiver says, "Thank you. That felt good" or "Mmmm, that's nice." Remember, keep these requests small and easy to start. Then as you both get used to doing this Erotic Playdate, gradually move your way up. This paves the way to a more responsive feedback loop for partners, and ensure both of you have a chance to give, receive, and ask for any changes you want to improve your relationship and intimate life. Just like how this week's articles are meant to give you the kind of relationship you've always wanted and deserved.

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Expand Your Life, Dr. Patti Taylor Dr. Patti is an author, coach, and seminar leader. She has a PhD in Expanded Orgasms, and is the creator of the bestselling program Expand Her Orgasm Tonight and The Seduction Trilogy: Seduce Her Tonight, Seduction Accelerator and Sexual Trainer. She's been a practitioner and teacher of Expanded Orgasms for over 30 years.

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