When it came to women and dating, I used to be the BIGGEST WUSSY on the planet.
I mean, it was BAD. Of course, I did my best to hide this fact. I talked a big game with my buddies. Watched Skin- A-Max to make it seem like I knew about sex. Typical "Wuss" behavior. But all of that did nothing to change the TRUTH:
On the *inside*, I was TERRIFIED. Of approaching women. Of getting rejected. Of not knowing how to "make my move" with a woman. If all this sounds familiar to YOU... I want you to know that you CAN leave that fear behind forever (just like I did). Here's how to get started
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Today, I want to dig deeper into the truth about what it REALLY takes to succeed with women... by sharing one of my students' SUCCESS STORIES with you.
Check it out, because his email brings up a *very* important question... and my answer could have a HUGE impact on YOUR love life:
***ACTUAL EMAIL FROM A STUDENT***
Dave, perhaps you have addressed this before,
but why do women choose unstable "losers" over
stable, "good guys" like me?
I think it goes to the issue of challenge, which
has two aspects. One is "benign": the man has to
be a challenge in the sense that he is not too
available. Another, which is negative, is the man
is so "damaged" that he presents a challenge in
another, less benign way: the woman wants to "fix"
him.
Like I heard Dr. Laura the other day, although I
usually cannot stand her. Some dimwit woman
called in and said she had been dating guy A, who
was nice, and was now dating A's friend, B, and
she did not know what to do.
"A" was a good guy and stable, B was a lowlife but
was "exciting."
Dr. "Queen of Life" jumped all over her, asking
this genius how she would answer the same question
if her own daughter asked her that question. It
was clear by the idiot's "OK" after being given
this advice that she did not get the answer she
wanted and will probably stick with B.
Ok about 10 years ago, I was dating a surgeon who
was Jewish. I am not Jewish, so that made a big
difference and was ultimately one of two factors
leading to our demise (the other was that I could
not trust her).
She told me her parents did not approve of me
since I was non-Jewish. I just told her to her
face, "I don't care what your parents think. I'm
not here to please them." I think this took her by
surprise and increased her respect for me, just as
every dating adviser stresses male confidence.
The surgeon gave me two of the greatest
compliments I ever received, which confirmed that
I was "doing things right."
Both were out of the blue. One: "I can't figure
you out." Two: "I never know what you are going
to do next."!
C. J.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Hey C. J., thank you for taking the time to email me. You've brought up some important ideas, and I'd like to comment on them.
ON THE DR. LAURA STORY AND YOUR QUESTION...
One of the things that Dr. Laura doesn't get in this particular situation goes a little something like this:
THE WOMAN IN THE STORY WASN'T USING LOGIC TO DECIDE WHICH MAN TO FEEL ATTRACTED TO, SO TRYING TO CONVINCE HER WITH LOGIC IS A WASTE OF TIME.
Now, you made some valid points about the woman enjoying the "challenge" of the "stray" and/or of the "unavailable" guy.
This is good stuff, and it's accurate.
But, the REAL key to this situation is this...the cornerstone of everything I teach:
ATTRACTION ISN'T A CHOICE.
In reality, "attraction" is a POWERFUL EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL response.
And, as you might know, when you're feeling a powerful emotion, it's difficult, or in many cases, almost impossible to override that emotion
with LOGIC.
The woman is clearly ATTRACTED to the "lowlife", but she also knows in her MIND that she "should" stay with the "stable nice guy."
EMOTION beats LOGIC any day of the week when it comes to attraction and female behavior!
Being a challenge and being unavailable are things that TRIGGER the emotion, but once it's triggered then there's not much that a woman can
do about it.
And as you noticed, not even advice from the "first lady" of relationship logic can change it.
So to answer your question, the reason why women "choose" unstable losers over stable guys like you is...
THEY DON'T CHOOSE AT ALL.
There is no logical "decision" being made. When it comes to ATTRACTION, "choosing" doesn't even come into play.
If you want women to feel that powerful emotion called ATTRACTION for you, then you need to learn how to communicate and behave in the way that TRIGGERS ATTRACTION.
Thing is, until you "get" this... I mean, REALLY get it... NOTHING about succeeding with women is going to make sense to you.
And, personally, it's taken me literally YEARS to be able to both attract women AND be able to explain how to do it.
Are you with me on this?
So, if you'd like to dive in deeper and get a POWERFUL, PRACTICAL, REAL-WORLD UNDERSTANDING of what it takes to make a woman "want you"...
... as in, she can't wait another five minutes to start ripping your clothes off...
... then I suggest that you do NOT waste all the time that I did in this area, and have a look at this right now.
Otherwise, I want to point out that you're really onto something here with your story about the surgeon you were dating:
First off, she sounds like she was an amazing, smart, cool woman... the kind I call a "Total 10", so huge props on that...
But the "something" you've hit on with your story is the crucial importance of *CONFIDENCE* in a man when it comes to succeeding with a great woman like this.
When the woman came to you to tell you that her parents didn't approve of you, and you responded by saying, "I don't care what your parents think,
I'm not here to please them", you effectively made yourself MORE powerful in her heart AND mind than even her parents.
I'm taking a wild guess here, but I'll bet that when she came to you to tell you this, she was telling you because she was thinking of breaking
off the relationship and this was her way of "introducing" the idea.
When you responded by saying, "I don't care what they think", you probably blew her mind a little.
She was probably confused, but MORE IMPORTANTLY, she was probably EMOTIONALLY ATTRACTED to you at the same time.
This combination of confusion, emotional attraction, and you asserting yourself as more powerful than her parents because you didn't care, is almost unstoppable.
As you say - "Every dating adviser stresses male confidence".
The more I've thought about this, the more I realize that the FOUNDATION for confidence is LACK OF INSECURITY.
In other words, if you want to be confident, you have to START by getting over the things that you're insecure about.
Once you do this, you'll realize that "confidence" is all that's important. Women are generally attracted to men who don't need APPROVAL from anyone!
We may call this "confidence," but it comes down to becoming secure in the world and comfortable in your own skin.
That in mind, here's that important question I have for you...
If you're NOT feeling that confidence...
... how can you EVER hope to succeed with
women?
Short answer:
YOU CAN'T.
Not until you make a commitment to yourself to TAKE ACTION to get that confidence... and then actually FOLLOW THROUGH on that commitment.
The harsh truth is, this part of your life isn't going to "get itself handled".
YOU are going to have to do it.
To do it as QUICKLY and EASILY as possible, here's what I suggest:
Instead of going through years of painful, frustrating trial and error, have the secrets handed to you on a silver platter.
Take advantage of all the time, effort, energy, and money that I've already invested in learning how to be successful with women and dating by
having a look at my world-famous "Advanced Dating Techniques" online study program.
It's packed with HUNDREDS (that's right, HUNDREDS) of success-proven techniques and concepts for making women feel ATTRACTION...
That's over 12 FULL HOURS of video featuring yours truly, PERSONALLY delivering my MOST POWERFUL tools and strategies for succeeding with
amazing women!
Oh, and by the way... if you haven't downloaded my online eBook "Double Your Dating" yet, then you need to do that right now.
Go check them out.
And make this year about getting this part of your life handled!
It's worth it.
In fact, it's MORE than worth it.
It's the beginning of a whole NEW LIFE you never even knew was possible for yourself.
I personally GUARANTEE it!
Susan Bratton
Dr. Patti Taylor
Sloane Fox
Tallulah Sulis
