Okay, so I got a bunch of emails this time around asking about how to get a woman's info (email, phone #, etc) and then follow up.
Read on for SPECIFIC ANSWERS plus a whole lot more...
***QUESTION***
Hi Dave,
I got your book and subscribed to the emails about
a year ago. It's great stuff. A lot of it is new
to me - but so much is obvious (with hindsight!!).
I am seeing my inner game change slowly but
surely, so that I feel less and less that I need a
woman and more and more that they are lucky to
have me.
Looking back (I am 40) I reckon I have been most
successful with girls when I was most relaxed and
confident - they say success breeds success!
Here are a couple of interesting experiences I
have had that confirm your approach...
I had a 19 yr old foreign student as a girlfriend
a while back. The first night back at my place I
offered to call a taxi for, her put her in the
spare bedroom or she could sleep with me.
Obviously she chose to sleep with me!
I was just trying to be a gentleman - but my
theory now is that by `pulling back' I challenged
her expectations (that most guys would be
desperate for her to stay) and I forced her to
take responsibility for choosing what SHE wanted
(whereas most girls spend their time rejecting
what GUYS want).
My latest girlfriend is 29 and a total babe. But
she is a bit spoilt. She often gets sulky if she
feels she isn't getting enough attention from me.
In the past I would have done whatever she asked.
Now I realise that is a game you can never win.
Instead I ask her if she treats her friends like
this - no - so why does she think it is ok with
me? She has actually said that she really respects
me for not letting her be a spoilt brat.
Also sometimes she threatens to find another
boyfriend. I always tell her that I can't stop her
if that's what she wants. Then she always says she
doesn't want anyone else.
It seems so obvious now - why should a woman
respect a man she can control??
I read your latest email about getting numbers.
The point about not hiding your intentions is so
true! Of course a woman knows what you want. If
you pretend otherwise you just seem weak (& also
you have made it really hard to bridge to getting
the number Doh!).
BUT - why do you say turn away & then turn back as
if it is an afterthought?? Isn't this exactly the
pretense you said not to do?
Why not just say `I've got to go now, but I'd like
to talk to you again. Have you got email?' Isn't
that less wussy? Or am I missing some subtlety
here. (I have tried the turning away thing, but
without success. I think maybe I am not a very
good actor)
Thanks for the fantastic information, Dave,
N.
England.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Hey N, great to hear from one of my students across the pond. Confirms that what works with women in one place ALSO WORKS everywhere else...
Anyway, on to your question.
Listen, it's fine to NOT turn away and just ask a woman for her email address directly.
It's actually how I developed my world-famous "3 Minute" technique for getting a woman's number and/or email.
(If you need a refresher on that technique, go here now)
Anyway, once upon a time, I very WRONGLY imagined that it was impossible to walk up to a woman who was a complete stranger and have her just give her number to me.
So what did I do instead?
I started investigating lots of different kinds of tricks and techniques, from palmistry to handwriting analysis... and all kinds of other freaky, pseudo-clever, mostly embarrassing ideas.
I figured that I had to somehow "distract" a woman from the fact that I was interested and wanted her number!
The turning away, then turning back, is something that is kind of "left over" from those days of being "clever."
Turning away, then turning back, basically demonstrates to a woman that you're OK with walking away without getting her number... which is a good exercise if you're at the stage where you get nervous asking for a woman's number/email.
Feel free to just say, "Do you have email?" and then, "Great, write it down... I want to talk to you again" etc.
As long as you are cool and calm with all of your other communication, you'll be fine.
***QUESTION***
Hey Dave,
Your material is awesome. I have met more women in
4 weeks with your material than in the previous 4
years of dating!
I have, however, come across a problem which
requires your expertise.
I can easily obtain a woman's email and during the
follow up email get their number. However, I get
their voice mail often when I call them up.
What is your feeling about leaving a message with
them?
I mean if you call several times (and they have
caller I.D.) and don't leave a message they will
think you are some kind of weirdo.
For example I got this hot woman's email but
whenever I call her(3 times in the past week) I
get her answering machine.
Should I leave a cocky/funny message on the third
attempt or should I email her back or just keep
calling until I get in touch with her?
Thanks for your help,
D. in Alabama
>>>MY COMMENTS:
I'm going to answer your question in two different ways... one is the direct answer, and one is the "bigger picture" answer...
First, the bigger picture answer:
Most problems, like this one, boil down to a rather simple formula:
NOT ENOUGH PROSPECTS = TOO MUCH CONCERN FOR ONE
Are you with me here?
If you were out getting more emails and numbers every day instead of worrying about this one, you would have called her the first time and said, "Hey, it's me. Call me, here's my number..."
A few days later you would have probably emailed and said, "Hey, you'd better call me, because my week is filling up fast..."
Finally, you would have forgotten about her because you got too busy seeing other women.
When you become too concerned with one woman, you do things like CALLING HER THREE TIMES IN A WEEK... without her calling you back.
What's the message you're sending to her?
Of course... "I tolerate and even pursue women who don't call me back."
That's not what you want to communicate, man.
By not leaving messages, you also add the charming TWIST to the overall message of "I might be a stalker, because I don't leave messages."
So, get out there and meet more women! That's the bottom line.
And now, the direct answer...
Call the first time and if you get voicemail say, "Hey, it's {your name here}, call me. My number is..."
If she doesn't call you, then send her an email that says: "What, trying to play hard to get already? Call me."
If she doesn't call you, then YOU have to decide what to do.
WHATEVER you do, don't call or email her again for awhile. Give it a week or two if she isn't responding to you.
Then, when you do contact her again, make sure she gets the hint that you're busy, that you're dating other women.
Oh, and that you're not at all impressed with the fact that she's a flake.
***QUESTION***
Dear Dave,
Love your material. I have gone ten years looking
for material on dating and your knowledge is
second to none. I have learned tremendously from
your ebook and emails.
I do have a question though. I had met a hottie
the other night and using C & F she was all over
me, making out with in a bar.
However when i got her back to my place and we
continued "making out" she kept saying "I usually
don't do this" and "what are you thinking (about
us hooking up so quickly)?"
Needless to say I continued forward with my manly
duties, but I was wondering 1) why was she asking
these questions and 2) what is a good way to
respond to such questions in the future.
Your new follower,
A in Vermont
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Okay A, let me ask YOU something...
What would YOU do if you were a woman who:
1) Had a self-image that didn't include "hooking up" with a guy the first night you meet him.
2) Had a STRONG sexual attraction to a guy that you just met, and you want to hook up with him the night you met him?
Of course... you'd say things like, "I'm not this kind of girl" and "I don't usually do this" and "What do you think about this?" etc. etc. etc....
You've asked me what I think of this, and how to respond to it when it happens.
First, I think it's normal and natural for a woman to behave this way. Get used to it.
Secondly, as far as responding to this kind of thing... I have a couple of thoughts for you.
1) Don't Expect Anything
I think that guys get their hopes up when a woman "comes home" with them... and they get more and more excited about the possibility of "hooking up"... to the point where they're UPSET if it DOESN'T happen.
When you put this much importance on something, you set yourself up for failure... and often do things to CAUSE failure. When you WANT something, it costs more. Right?
So don't EXPECT anything. Be OK with whatever happens. Lean back. Chill. Be cool with it.
2) Make Sure She Knows You're Cool With It
The next step is to let the woman you're with KNOW that whatever happens is cool.
Don't PUSH.
When you start using all the different concepts and techniques that you've learned together... and you start to smoothly transition from one step to the next... you will start to see women responding VERY powerfully.
But, part of this powerful response will USUALLY be some sort of "resistance."
WHY?
Because women aren't used to meeting men who KNOW all this stuff!
They're not used to being swept away by the powerful sexual emotions that you're triggering with your communication, body language, and touch.
I'm not kidding here.
Don't be surprised when some women get so freaked out that they literally run out the door or start shaking with nervousness.
Women just aren't used to men who know how to make them feel things this powerfully!
Now, if a woman says "I don't know if this is a good idea, I don't usually do things like this with a guy I've just met"... you basically have a couple of choices.
You can PUSH, in which case you'll usually meet with resistance...
Or you can PULL BACK, then let things start again slowly... which will make it far more likely that things will continue to HEAT UP and continue to the next level.
But I go into all of this "hot" stuff in a lot more depth right here...
But for now, the real key here for you, A, is to walk into every situation with a woman NOT EXPECTING anything... or being overly concerned with the outcome.
Don't worry about it. And expect this kind of thing from women...
It's normal and natural.
Best of all... it shows you're listening to the MASTER and getting RESULTS.
Keep it up.
***SUCCESS STORY***
Dave,
I got your e-book a few months ago thinking it
would be a big joke. But I have spent $40 on a bad
date so figured I would take the gamble and I am
so glad!
Before I read your material I was the total wuss
boy, I was just way too nice and got no respect.
Now I have confidence! It didn't take long to use
C&F, posture, etc, but what I noticed is that when
I SLOWED DOWN, women started looking.
Walk slow across the room, using deliberate
movements, shoulders back, head high, and you will
just FEEL more confident, and women pick up on
that. Easy to get emails and numbers when they
feel your confidence!
Thanks for the tips.
I want to say that your "kiss test" has worked
100% with my last 5 dates! Playing with her hair
and looking her in the eyes while relaxing on the
couch has gotten me lots of kisses, then I BACK
OFF for a few minutes and it drives them crazy!
I just keep thinking GO SLOW! I am a good looking
guy, but the problem I have had with women is the
"friend" category.
Now after 4 months I have a girlfriend that can't
get enough, and I can't thank you enough. I am
never going to be the wuss again!
BTW- I did get her flowers, I told her I made the
arrangement myself and the flowers were exotics as
I made up names and places they were each from,
she just laughed so hard it broke all Valentine
tension and I didn't need a barf bag.
CA
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Nicely done, CA.
A quick thought, though...
As we touched on in the email above... isn't it absolutely AMAZING how powerful the idea of "backing off" is after you've kissed a woman, etc. is?
Moving two steps forward, one step back is simply one of the easiest and strongest way to amplify attraction. PERIOD.
Good job.
***QUESTION***
Mr. DeAngleo,
I have your e-book Double Your Dating and it's
just plain excellent. You have a keen insight into
the communication necessary to gain the respect
and admiration of da ladies.
And you're a quick study of the human condition
called "a relationship". I look forward to
studying your audio program.
Even though your stuff is great, it seems to skew
towards younger, never married girls.
Am I right that an older women who have been
around the block with kids, would be more worldly
and have more of a personal agenda?
Or that these women are the "new and improved gold
diggers"?
I'm in my late forties and am realistic to the age
bracket I'm going to encounter and date. Sure I
look great and athletic, but the funny and cocky
attitude would seem to only work with young girls
rather than pre-married model.
Are guys my age stuck with working just the
personals and local church festivals?
I mean no matter how suave, cool, cocky, and funny
I am, aren't I always fighting the age different
thing? That a man in his forties, has to use the
power, fame and money, rather than personality?
Is the cocky, funny personality going to work with
older women? We're not all James Bond's you know.
I look forward to your answers because you really
are the expert on this topic.
Keep up the great work,
LP Wisconsin
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Well LP, I could give you a long, detailed, profound answer to this question, but here's all that I really have to say:
WOMEN OF ALL AGES LOVE THIS STUFF.
It doesn't skew towards ANY types of women.
I used to flirt with every woman I met... of every age.
They ALL loved it.
And I get emails from guys of all ages who use this stuff to meet women of all ages... with HUGE RESULTS.
So just keep doing what you're doing, and totally forget the "age" thing. It really IS just a number, and will have NO EFFECT on the results you get using my stuff.
***QUESTION***
Dave,
All I can say is wow!
Thanks a lot, the Dating Tip; What To Do When She
LIKES You, couldn't have came at a better time!
It's the first message I read over, hell I even
read it 3 times! And now canceling something
tonight so I can read over your book and past
letters, the information is truly amazing, I was
shocked at how well this book was written.
Question: This one girl with a 9.5-10 personality
and great looks has this sparkle in her eyes that
I really LOVE.
How can I mention it in a non-pussy way?
Bust on her about it (making fun of it)? But I
like it!
-JB, Chicago IL
>>>MY COMMENTS:
You really got me going with this one, JB.
Why is it that men feel such STRONG urges to compliment women early on?
I just don't know what's with us sometimes...
I have to say though, I know EXACTLY how you're feeling, because I have to watch this myself... it's like we come pre-wired with a "nice guy compliment" mechanism.
Well, TURN IT OFF for the first 10 dates or so, OK?
Look at those beautiful eyes, and when she says, "What? What are you looking at?" say, "Oh, just my own reflection in your eyes..."
Cocky *PLUS* Funny wins out every time.
If you need to get back in line when it comes to laying off the compliments and pouring on the Cocky & Funny instead, everything you need to know is here (including TONS of SPECIFIC things to say...)
***QUESTION***
Hey David:
I have a question that I'm not sure you've
addressed in your book.
Have you ever come across a situation where you're
working on a girl and her construction worker
boyfriend shows up ready to pound you one?
Any idea on how to handle that situation?
I've been there and lets just say that I'm damn
lucky my front teeth don't look like some of the
hidden back ones!
In fact, it's instilled an added fear into me that
has made it really hard to approach women for the
last 13 years. Some guys are crazy and if they see
another guy making his girlfriend all excited, it
could be bad news.
M
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Yeah, I have a great response for this...
Walk away.
What did you expect me to say? Beat him up?
I know that secretly a lot of guys have a fear of the husband or boyfriend showing up and becoming violent.
Does it happen?
Sure.
How often?
I don't know... but, I can tell you that I've never heard of it happening to a guy for just talking to a girl... and I know a LOT of guys who meet a LOT of women.
Just walk away.
Risk is a part of life, and you have to accept it if you want to enjoy unusual levels of success.
***SUCCESS STORY***
David,
Many guys write in and tell you about their
success with this specific girl, or that specific
girl etc.
Those are great stories and encouraging to the
rest of us. My success story is a little
different.
Today I was browsing my emails and something
happened that struck me.
I have been corresponding with this really
attractive girl who I met through the personals.
In her first email to me (a response to my initial
contact) she asked when/where we could meet. In
her third, which I read this morning, she gave me
her phone number and asked me to call her 'really
soon'.
I will call this evening.
I thought about this in context of my current
situation: last night I had a 3rd date with a
really cute Japanese girl who hardly speaks
english and who I met at a bar some time ago.
The night before I had a first date (tea @
Starbucks) with an attractive tall blonde (who
asked me, before I brought it up, when we can meet
again), and the night before that I was at a girls
place making dinner for her, almost having a food-
fight, laughing and joking and poking fun of her
family pictures in her apartment (on our 3rd
date). I could go on but won't.
The point I'm trying to make is that my success
story isn't about any of the above successes.
You see, when I read the email this morning which
had a phone number and a request to call 'really
soon', my reaction was pretty casual.
And it struck me that my reaction would have been
totally different 1 year ago.
I would have been so surprised and happy and
excited. And I would have told myself 'wow, this
girl actually wants to meet, ok now, don't screw
this up...blah blah etc etc'
The success story I'm talking about is ME.
My reaction to the email sums it up; I'm not even
surprised when I get that kind of email any more.
Pleased, but not surprised.
I'm starting to REALLY understand the difference
between the INNER and OUTER game.
It's not dissimilar to the difference between
success with a single woman, and my own success in
ME and my situation.
Plug for Dave: I got the ebook about 1 year ago
and I've been following the newsletters.
I've been slowly shedding the inner wussy and it's
thanks to your teachings. I can only imagine what
kind of success I might have if I actually ponied
up for the CD series! Question for you though...
I mentioned above that I am dating a really cute
Japanese girl. She speaks English, but not much
(certainly more than I speak Japanese!).
I got her email at a bar and we've been out 3
times. I can sense that she likes me, and I think
things are proceeding well.
In fact, she's coming to my appartment tomorrow to
cook Japanese dinner for me.
My question is this: how can I tease her when she
doesn't understand anything but the simplest of
English.
I actually told her what 'tease' means and then
tried some examples to demonstrate. This worked
to some degree, but I'm feeling a little held
back.
Thanks for any insight you can offer.
S. in Vancouver
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Great email, S, thanks for checking in.
First off, here's what I'd like to say About your "inner" success...
I can remember a moment a couple of years ago when I realized that the inner insecurity that I used to carry around with me was GONE.
It's hard to explain an emotional feeling, but it was as if there had previously been a certain insecurity that was always with me... that affected every part of my life...and then, without me realizing it was going... it was gone.
It's a great feeling, isn't it?
As far as your situation with your Japanese girl goes...
I have a friend who is great with women and who likes to date Japanese women, and he tells me that they are different because of their culture... and that they are often more reserved.
I've never thought of TEACHING a woman what teasing means, but it's a great idea!
I personally think that it's difficult to communicate in a subtle way when there is a language barrier... but that's just my take.
If you can figure this one out, write in and share the wisdom!
***COMMENTS FROM A WOMAN***
Dave,
I ended up on your newsletter mailing list just
the same way I always ended up in boys P.E., I
have one of those names that gets confused as
being male.
At first, I found your letters just funny and a
bit odd... until I started seeing that you are
absolutely right.
The qualities you explore and recommend in your
stuff is exactly what I am attracted to!
Wow, what an eye opener.
Wussies are a waste of time. Give me a C & F real
man anytime.
By the way, I find it very attractive in you too!
Kisses!
TM, Dallas,TX
>>>MY COMMENTS:
NOTE TO WOMEN FANS...
SEND PICTURES!
If you want, pucker so I can get an idea of what the "kisses" look like.
Love it, thanks, TM.
***COMMENT***
Hi Dave,
I've been enjoying your emails in the last few
months. You've offered some valuable advice on how
to deal with people. But, I am sorry to say I'm
finding your advice less valuable.
You are focusing on being cocky and funny with
people. But you are forgettign one thing.
You have to make sure you make people feel good.
Otherwise, they will be like - fu** you, I don't
to talk to you - you are a piece of sh**.
I'm just trying to help you get on the right
track, man. Nothing personal.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
I have to be brutally honest here, my friend...
You sound like just another "Couch-Based Expert."
In other words, I'll bet you couldn't get a woman's phone number if you were giving away CASH PRIZES... OK?
Now, to be fair, from time to time I do get an email from someone who says "It sounds to me like you're suggesting to men that they act like jerks", etc.
What does this tell me?
The most IMPORTANT thing it tells me is that you haven't read my book or listened to my Advanced Series... and you just don't get it.
This isn't about making women feel BAD...
It's about making them feel GOOD!
You might not have caught on yet, but half of the Cocky & Funny equation is FUNNY.
If you're funny, then you don't have to worry about what you say, because it's HUMOR.
I'm not sure that "Wow! That's nice shoes!" is the answer.
OK, now get up off your couch and go learn how to meet some women.
My suggestion?
Check out my "Advanced Series" that I mentioned above... it's 100% GUARANTEED to help you finally get OFF that couch... and start SUCCEEDING with women.
Once you do, please write back.
I love to hear it when one of my students gets off the bench and into the game.
***SUCCESS STORY***
Dave,
You may not consider this a true success story
since it's not about scoring with every good-
looking girl I meet. Rather it's about the change
in my feeling about myself.
In the past few months I've gone from feeling
absolutely crushed by "rejection" or seizing up to
recognizing that there are so many attractive
women out there, IT DOESN'T MATTER if one of them
shoots you down.
I've also reached the point where I can approach a
cute girl and get her e-mail/number.
I admit sometimes it's not her real info, but this
is a work in progress.
I'm on several online dating/chatting sites,
working my stuff. I'm even using the arrogant
humor routines on two of my former love interests
and am starting to see some smoke rising as a
result.
I'm working the material on the servers at the
restaurants I frequent. And on and on...
At first, I didn't think it could take three years
to "get it down," but last night I had my first
cup-of-tea-at-Starbucks date and now I understand
even more what you talk about in your online
programs.
It does take time to become "totally congruent"
with this. But it's going to be so much fun
getting there!
So, in conclusion, I already consider myself to be
a success simply because I feel so much more
empowered as a man. Thank you.
CPAG Tucson, Arizona
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Actually, CPAG, this is the BEST kind of Success Story there is.
Now you know that getting a hot woman's number is no big deal... once you know HOW.
But, changing how you FEEL inside and how you feel about YOURSELF is huge.
Great job.
***QUESTION***
David,
First off, i realize you hear this a lot but your
ebook is totally the mack- i've seen a big
difference in my interaction with women which i'll
contribute much of my success to your book.
I've recently been giving some serious thought to
ordering your advanced materials.
Here's my question:
With the other 1 billion "buy our stuff and your
success with women will boom for three easy
payments of $19.99" sites, how would you compare
your advanced series to {other dating products}
which tout basically the same types of things?
Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying your stuff
isn't brilliant, and i realize that i've easily
spent $195 in dates/on women, i just wondered what
your take is.
Thanks a ton and keep up the great work!
-M.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Well, here's the deal, M...
I'm about to say some things that are going to make me sound a little too confident, so get ready...
I spent YEARS trying to figure out how to be successful with women and dating.
YEARS.
I read books, listened to tapes, went to seminars... and tried all KINDS of things.
I mean, if you knew half of the stuff that I tried, you'd laugh your ass off at me.
Most of it didn't work... and the stuff that did work actually worked IN SPITE of the fact that it was lame!
I mean, if you do ANYTHING it will work SOME of the time.
I'm going to tell you something that is both simple and profound at the same time...
The thing that makes my Advanced Program different from all the other stuff out there is that it's BASED on watching and learning from guys who are "naturally" good with women.
The experience that REALLY took my success to a high level was watching, learning from, imitating, testing, and refining what I learned from these guys.
In fact, I invited several of my friends who were the MOST influential on me to participate in the live seminar that was edited into the Advanced Dating Techniques program -- I interview five of them LIVE in it.
I've worked hard to create a great set of tools and techniques, and a logical way to learn them, understand them, and start using them.
I will bet you that if you listen to or watch the entire 12+ hours of this program at LEAST 5 times... there are so many killer ideas inside, you will be thrilled.
Again: you can get all the details here.
And, if you haven't downloaded my online eBook yet, then go do that FIRST.
You can download it in a few minutes and be learning some of my best techniques right from the comfort of your computer. It's here.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your friend,
P.S. A lot of what we covered in today's "mailbag" was about what it takes to think and behave like a "real man" with a woman... and therefore reap HUGE REWARDS because of it.
But here's the thing...
Too many guys feel like they have NO CLUE how to start thinking, feeling, and acting like a "real man"...
I might as well be asking them to start acting like aliens from another planet or something.
If this describes YOU... a guy who feels, deep down inside, like his whole life would change if he could only begin THINKING and ACTING like a "real man"...
... then there's GOOD NEWS WAITING for you.
Check this out.
