NOTE: I'd like to teach you the direct method of communication with women called Body Language... that will get a woman to notice you, feel attraction for you, and even APPROACH you. Find out more here:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/BodyLanguage/
***QUESTION***
Dave:
On your video series, you talk about getting past the fluff and "talk to that other part of the woman" How do you do that? Especially with online dating, I keep thinking that my dialogue with these women is all wrong.
I know you gotta be C&F, but sometimes there's not much to go on from an online profile. Here's an example from a girl that lives in my neighborhood:
"I'd like to eventually settle down with someone that I can look to as a best friend and that I can laugh with. I enjoy traveling, working out, yoga, music, and dining out in NYC. I am playful and fun and have a lot to offer the right man. I believe that the best relationships are based on friendship. I am genuine, kind and compassionate and I am looking for the same in a man.
My ideal match is the kind of guy that isn't afraid of being himself. He knows what he wants and goes for it. He is confident, not cocky. He is a person of good character, high morals and loyal. He is thoughtful, considerate and knows how to treat a lady. Last but not least, my ideal man is attractive with a good sense of humor".
I can't think of anything cocky to say to this... or how to communicate that I'm a sexually aware man. I'm not really sure what you mean by sexually aware anyway, unless you mean sexually successful...like when you know you're hot and women want you.
So, can you help me understand how you'd respond?
thanks,
-R
>>>MY COMMENTS:
OK, first of all, I recommend that you go back through my program, and pay attention to the workbook that came with it.
I actually included a sample "cut and paste" type of answer for online profiles that works very well.
In fact, when I originally published it in one of these dating tips newsletters, I had literally dozens and dozens of guys from all around the world who wrote in saying that they cut and pasted it and used it online... and had fabulous response.
Now, let me address a few of your comments...
To summarize what I think about your situation, I'd say that you probably need to keep reviewing the material that you have, and keep practicing.
If you have little experience with women, then you have almost no frame of reference for what I'm talking about in general. Until you start DOING more, you just won't "get it" as well.
Especially when it comes to online dating, you have to remember... attractive women are getting TONS of responses and matches.
So you need to stand out.
At some point, the hundreds of men who are trying to get the attention of a beautiful women, will all run together into a big lump of desperate men. Make sure you're not one of them.
Also, forget about trying to start a conversation with a woman by reading her profile, thinking about it, considering what she's looking for, and then responding in a way that she will find interesting.
No no no!
The profile you sent above could have been written by any woman in any part of the world... it might as well be a generic ad template for women.
The one thing it DOESN'T mention (and the one thing that NO female profile EVER mention) is what makes this woman feel ATTRACTION for a man.
Think about it for a minute...
This woman sat down one night at her computer, and said to herself:
"I'm tired of the dating game. Maybe if I write an online profile and describe the kind of guy I'm looking for, Prince Charming will find me and we'll live happily ever after."
Can't you just FEEL it in her words?
"I'd like to eventually settle down with someone that I can look to as a best friend and that I can laugh with..."
"I believe that the best relationships are based on friendship..."
And the whole last paragraph is priceless...
"My ideal match is the kind of guy that isn't afraid of being himself. He knows what he wants and goes for it. He is confident, not cocky. He is a person of good character, high morals and loyal. He is thoughtful, considerate and knows how to treat a lady. Last but not least, my ideal man is attractive with a good sense of humor..."
So what do most guys do when they read this?
Of course... they write back something like:
"Hi, I'm a nice attractive SWM who has a sense of humor, high morals, is honest, and also believes that a good friendship is the foundation for a great relationship."
UGH!
Someone bring me a bucket, because I'm gonna PUKE.
Look... when a woman is writing about herself, she's usually at a point in her life where she's lonely... and hoping to find a long-term companion.
OF COURSE she's going to write all this sappy stuff.
But that doesn't change ANYTHING about what is going to get her attention and make her feel ATTRACTION.
Again, my gut tells me that you're trying to figure out how to act here with a WUSSY response that will make her love you.
Don't.
And to address your question of how to communicate that you're a confident, sexually aware man...
You do this by NOT trying to please her, saying what she wants to hear, and kissing up to her.
It sounds to me like you need to spend more time studying the materials you have, practicing your Cocky & Funny skills, and making your personality more interesting... and less time chasing women who are looking for an open, honest, Yoga-loving husband.
Use the materials you have!
Practice!
Get online and work on your Cocky & Funny. Copy and paste the conversations ideas and tips in your Advanced Series and use it online.
Until you're REALLY good at engineering, quit trying to reinvent the wheel.
And if you're reading this letter and thinking that you also want to try some proven techniques to get the attention of beautiful women online, check out my Advanced Series program:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/AdvancedSeries/
***QUESTION***
Hey Dave,
You are right the C & F seem to work but I wanna ask you something... how often are you supposed to be c & f? I mean, are you supposed to sprinkle it in during a normal convo or should you use it moderately or at every single thing she says? I ask b/c id like to hold a normal convo also & in your opinion what would be best? I'm interested in your opinion on this.
CJ, New York
>>>MY COMMENTS:
The more you use it, the more you'll get a feel for how much to use Cocky & Funny.
Use it a LOT in the beginning, on the first outing for a cup of tea, during the first dates, etc.
And use it especially if you're doing the whole online dating scene... it's the best way to stand out from all the other guys women are reading about.
The exception is if you don't have a lot of time, and you want to get a woman's number/email fast. In that case, use the 3 minute technique I talk about in Double Your Dating, and as described in a past newsletter that you've probably read. In those cases, it takes too much time.
Also, as you get to know a woman, you'll have more and more "normal" conversations...
Never stop being Cocky & Funny, unpredictable, etc.
But you can ease up a little as you get to know a woman better.
Use it... and you'll get it.
***QUESTION***
Dear Dave,
I have been reading your newsletter for about a year now and it works great!! True genius!!! I have always been cocky and funny even before knowing what c&f was, you just helped me realize exactly why I was succeeding with women. There is this girl who is probably a 9-10, but has had a boyfriend for some time now. I have been cocky and funny with her since the day i met her (btw she's a bartender) and she really seems to respond to it. She poured me a drink once and after I tasted it I said to her "whoa this is really strong, are you trying to get me drunk to take advantage of me," and she responded by saying "oh yea baby" and smiled at me and rubbed my arm. My question is as follows: I really want this girl and she seems to respond to my cocky and funny routine, in fact I think she likes me, but what do I do about the boyfriend situation?? What are the odds I can actually end up with this chick??
GB Orlando
>>>MY COMMENTS:
OK, so what you're trying to tell me is that the only attractive woman in ORLANDO, FLORIDA is a bartender with a long term boyfriend?
Hey, good idea... since there are only about a million or so single women in your area, why not pick one who's already seeing someone?
Duh.
Stop that!
If a woman has a boyfriend, just walk away, man.
Every month or two, when you're ordering a drink from her say, "Hey, are you still married?"
This is funny because you're busting on her and at the same time asking if she's still with her BF.
At some point she'll probably say, "No, I just dumped him". Most relationships end, so stay in touch.
And in the meantime, do something productive with your time... like dating some of the single women in your area, who don't have boyfriends that are probably the jealous 6'6" 250 pound meathead bouncer at the bar who likes to beat up guys for fun.
Here is what I would do: try online dating.
It's the best place to practice your skills and use humor to build attraction with women. Hey, what's the worse it could happen? You get a few dates with other attractive women in your area and become really good at this for when your favorite bartender is single.
Go check out my Advanced Series... It's FULL with tips and ideas to write your profile, and how to start intriguing conversations online.
***QUESTION***
Hi David,
thanks for all your great info that i have been receiving over the past several months. I have been putting into practice the things i learned from your e-book and newsletters with much improved results in the dating scene...........in a few of your newsletters you mentioned that jealousy is the strongest of all emotions. How do you deal with it if it is the woman who tries to make you jealous. What's the best mindset and way to handle it David.
d London
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Jealousy is an interesting topic.
I'm not sure that I said it was the "strongest" of all emotions... but I probably did say that it was one of the most powerful.
Jealousy causes people to do all sorts of stupid things... but it can also keep relationships together.
If a woman knows that other women are interested in you, she'll want you more.
If a man finds out that his girl is sleeping with another man, he can fly into a rage that often leads to violence (or worse).
Women are notorious for trying to make men jealous.
Many women intuitively realize that jealousy will make a man more interested and make him work harder for her attention and affection.
If a woman tries to make me jealous, I just laugh.
If she says:
"Oh, this guy I used to date called me last night to see if I was single..."
I might laugh and say:
"Well you should go out with him."
At this point a woman will usually realize that what she's doing isn't working and say, "No, I don't like him, why did you say that?"
It's important to overcome the natural tendency in life to have your emotions triggered by outside events.
It takes some work in many cases, but it's worth it.
Jealousy is an almost useless emotion. Do your best to realize that you don't need it... and then communicate that you're not easily played... and you don't get jealous over other men.
Works wonders, and makes you even more attractive.
***QUESTION***
Hey Dave,
I read your ebook a few weeks ago and like everyone else, I am going to suck up to you and say it's great. These tips really helped me out in the dating life. To the problem, I've known this Italian girl since the summer. It started out as an Internet thing in a chat room as with my natural humor and new set of balls, I got hooked into me. Fast forward to a few months in November, we still kept talking and views me as a "Friend", even though we didn't even send a single picture to one another. Things are going so well, that *she* decides that we should meet up somewhere. We did, and I bet every reader in this room would be very very very jealous if they saw me with this girl.
Things went well on this "get together", I busted her balls, made her laugh, and her facial expressions were mostly "What the..." look with sometimes leaving her speechless. At the end, she said I was definitely a keeper... wee. Fast forward to a few days ago, and now she tells me that she had sex with her ex-boyfriend who "she loved" and hasn't seen a long time. The reason why they broke up is because he had to move, they were both in good terms. Even though the ex is currently seeing someone else, who he claims he is not interested in this "other", they still did it. She said at the end that she views me as a "friend"
My question: What gives? She was taking initiative to even *ask* me out, which is something that 0.001% of girls ask for, she compliments me, kisses me, the whole package, yet just a few days ago she tells me that she loves her ex?
For some reason I am going to get the feeling you are going to go on with my life, wish I could, but even though I did "double my dating", my dates haven't been all that fulfilling. Let's say my best date besides this one was some Swedish Figure Skater who kept talking about her past 90000 boyfriends.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Oh, yeah. I really feel for you.
In the months since you've been reading these newsletters and few WEEKS since you've read my book you've dated a super-hot Italian girl and a Swedish Figure Skater.
And your dates haven't been "all that fulfilling."
Bummer, man.
OK, as for your Italian girl who slept with her ex.
These things happen, man.
Welcome to life on Earth.
My book is called "Double Your Dating," not "How To Make Sure Every Relationship With Every Woman In Your Life Turns Out Like A Movie."
Get out there and date some more women!
That'll get your mind off of the Italian girl (who you obviously feel attached to)... and onto some other super-babes that you have yet to meet.
Do what you know works...
Didn't you say this thing with her started as an "Internet thing?" Well, do that again.
And use any opportunity to bust on your dates when they talk about their exes. They're probably just testing you anyways, to see if you get jealous.
Don't fall into that trap. Make a joke about it.
Don't let the conversation continue about an ex!
Use the humor and Cocky Funny techniques you're learning from me to stay away from the ex - talk.
***QUESTION***
Hi Dave,
Well I've read your e-book for about the 4th time now. I'm most likely going to read it at least that many more times. I'm just starting to put your teachings into the real world. The first time out I was with 2 of my buddies and 2 women that they both new a lot better than I did. One girl is a 8/9 the other is a solid 9. Well my buddy was in the process on dating the 8/9 so I started to work on the 9. I did the C/F routine, but I think I was a little short on the funny but after all my teasing and busting she still smiled and laughed. I told her some stuff about how "hotties" view men and how beauty was like a curse to them. She seemed to look at me like I could read her mind. But after that she kind of drifted from me and eventually went over by the guys that I bet her would all sleep with her in a heartbeat.... who all acted like ass kissers might I add. My question is...did I scare her with my knowledge of knowing so much of her game? Also it is really hard for me to work in a group of people. How can you really focus your skills when everybody is always switching who they are talking to. I'd say for a first time out it with my new tools it wasn't a loss but more of a tie.
M Tampa
>>>MY COMMENTS:
A "tie?"
And what were you trying to do with this girl, win a popularity contest?
Did you ask her for her email?
No.
Did you ask her for her number?
No.
Did you add her to your social network?
No.
Quit talking so much about losers who like to kiss ass and act like Wussies, and start thinking NEXT STEP.
Remember the bonus booklet that you got with "Double Your Dating" called "Bridges?"
This booklet teaches you how to go from one step to the next.
The principle is that you need to know where you are going... and then take steps to get there.
What... did you expect this girl to jump on your lap and say, "Let's get out of here!"?
Lighten up on being the profound guru a little, and start thinking NEXT STEP.
You didn't have a "tie" here, you had a "I didn't do what it takes to win" here.
***QUESTION***
Dear David,
I have been reading your emails for about 6 months now, and I gotta tell you. Your words and advice have helped me with my life more than anything else *ever*. I have gone from getting a date with maybe one average looking girl every 4 months, to getting 7 or 8 dates from very beautiful women in less than 2 weeks. My confidence is skyrocketing, and women I would have automatically accepted before (based on their above average looks) are now often unacceptable in one way or another (usually due to neurotic behavior).
I have been changing my patterns and even people at work are noticing the difference. I am way more confident when confronted by my boss. I have gone so far as to make cocky/funny jokes at his expense hehe (surprisingly, it had the same effect on him as the women, he's started following me around, YIKES). I am attempting to find humor in every situation. Even being stalked by my massive... scary... hulking, boss (God help me).
I am still not at the place I want to be, but like anything new, practice makes perfect (I imagine buying your book and DVD set may help too). I can actually notice daily improvements as I apply these principles to my life.
Thank you so much David. Who knows, I may even get a raise ;)
Quick question: I have had so many girls talk to me about their problems like right away. I agree with what you say about becoming a dumping ground and how it has 'wussy' written all over it. Do you have a few examples of how I could stop this behavior without scaring them off or making them think I am some kind of a**hole?
YOU ROCK
SF, BC
>>>MY COMMENTS:
OK, first of all, congratulations on getting 7-8 dates from beautiful women in 2 weeks. You're the man.
To answer your question about what to say to women who start talking about their problems right away...
Here's the deal.
When a woman starts talking about her problems, what she's REALLY saying is, "I'm feeling bad right now. I think that if I talk about my problems I'll feel good... so that's what I'm going to do."
I hope you're with me here.
Most guys go along with this, and try to be "nice" about the whole affair.
If you're like I used to be, you actually TRY TO HELP.
Well guess what?
This is a REALLY bad idea if you want a woman to feel ATTRACTION for you.
The BEST thing to do in these situations is to make her FEEL BETTER.
And being a "nice" Wuss Bag Girly-Man Therapist isn't the way to do it.
Try this:
Next time a woman starts with the problems, just interrupt her and say, "Hey, whoa... wait a minute here... do I look like one of your GIRLFRIENDS?"
She'll say, "No."
You say, "Great, then don't talk to me like I'm one of them, OK?"
Continue with:
"If you want therapy, I'm going to have to charge you at LEAST two hundred an hour... I'm expensive. I'm in WAY too good of a mood to listen to this stuff for free."
Now, you MUST remember something here.
You're NOT trying to come across like a heartless bastard when you say this stuff.
What you ARE trying to say is, "Hey, you have girlfriends, and their role is comforting you and talking about things. I'm not your girlfriend. I'm the person who you feel GOOD when you're around... the one that cheers you up... the one that keeps you interested."
This is a VERY important distinction.
You must understand and believe this when you do it, or else you'll just come across like a selfish prick.
I've done this exact thing NUMEROUS times in my day, and almost EVERY time the woman stops, laughs, and says:
"Oh, sorry. You're right... so what are you doing?" etc.
You can COMPLETELY change the mood and tone of a situation if you stand up, act like a man, and refuse the invitation to be her free Wussy Therapist Buddy.
But you really need to remember that a generous helping of Cocky & Funny will make this work best.
If you listen to her problems and act like a girlfriend, then that's what you're going to turn into.
And thanks for the compliments... I get a lot of feedback that this stuff helps in a lot of different areas of life, and I know that my own life has improved in many different ways as a result.
Oh, and you're right about the fact that investing in my video program will REALLY help your success.
I guarantee that you'll be slapping yourself and saying, "What the hell have I been waiting for?"
If you've been dating average women, you'll start meeting SUPER hot women.
If you've been running into a challenge, this program will solve it for you.
And if you're reading this right now and you've been thinking of investing in my Advanced Dating Techniques program, then you need to do it.
It comes with a 100% satisfaction guarantee... if you're not thrilled, and it doesn't take your game to a whole new level, just ask for a refund.
Really.
I want you to be one of the success stories in the next Mailbag... go check out the details here:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/AdvancedSeries/
And in this Mailbag you've also heard from a lot of guys who are using my original eBook "Double Your Dating" to improve their success with women and dating. It comes with three additional free bonus booklets, and it's a complete introduction to my principles and techniques. Of course, it also comes with a 100% guarantee. Go download your copy here... you can be reading it in literally a few minutes from right now:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/eBook/
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David D.
P.S. Don't forget to look at my online "catalog" of different programs... each one designed to help you learn a different aspect of becoming more successful with women and dating. You can see them all, plus watch video clips here:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/Catalog/
